Dear Adam Sandler...

Hey Adam! Lauren here. Huge fan. Love Billy Madison, you were pretty hot in that movie, even if you were slightly retarded.

Sooo, this may sound a little weird, but I think we're supposed to be bff's or something. I know, I know... who is this chick? But I promise, it is meant to be. I'm not a Jew or anything, though I've been told I look like one, however I think we'll still get along.

First of all, we could be siblings. Or you could be my dad... hmm... but I'll go with siblings. Dopplegangers, even. Don't believe me? Take a peek at exhibit A below.

Recognize this sexy mo'fugga? Good, because that's you Adam. In all of your strange, strange glory. See-- you and I have something in common sir. We're both fucking insane. Insanely funny, insanely good looking, and also plain insane.

We share a nose... a beautiful, long, gracefully sloped nose. Pretty sure our eyes are the same color too. Olive skin made from pigment only found in dreams.


I think I really resemble you in this picture of me in 2008, don't you think? I've got that whole train-wreck vibe thing going... I can totally see it.


Also, I have to point out that I took an online test that is supposed to tell you what kind of funny you are. Besides the obvious answer of "really fucking funny," I wasn't too shocked by the results. We're twinsies, bro! Basically, you are my rich and famous and popular older brother. (Or I'm your broke, nobody, introverted sister, either way...) This test said I am vulgar, spontaneous, and dark. Shit is dead on, amiright? Check these results and tell me I'm not your little protege...

How is my offer sitting with you so far, Mr. Sandler? Am I convincing you at all? Why do I even need to convince you? You should already be hopping in your Mr. Deeds chopper, on your way over to mi casa for a nice game of fooseball. (Your mom let's you play that now, right?) Either way, biffle party at my house dude!

 Maybe those slightly old and unflattering photos don't really do it for you. Here, I've gathered some more supporting evidence.

Your judgmental glance

       I do this little "I see what you're doing... " look quite often. In fact, It's kind of my thing. Proof? You asked for it...

My judgmental glance.

But some times you make other faces... this, for example. I call this your "sideways glance." A different version of the judgmental glance, but slightly less "I dissaprove," and more "I'll try not to laugh.."

Your sideways glance

Though not as sideways as this example, I'm still right there with ya...

My sideways glance.

Now to take the cake... (I swear, we've got to be related...)

Our candid open mouth shots... How many friggin' people have candid open mouth shots?! Not very many.

Your candid open mouth shot

Here it comes....

My candid open mouth shot.

I know, I look slightly more surprised, but that's fine. You are a man, you have to look slightly stern and mysterious.

Adam... ohh Adam. Please be my friend? At the least, teach me everything there is to know about being awesome and funny and ridiculously good looking. Then maybe write a movie or a comedy sketch with me. Take me under your wing. I'll convert! I'll do anything! --well... I lied. Not anything. But close.

Think about it... I'll be waiting for your email. <3

p.s. I forgive you for jack & jill. Now THAT is dedication.

edit: ok, can't make the gender leap? here we go...