I'm the MAYOR...bitch.

I never really understood why people used Foursquare. I didn't realize that it wasn't just a way to stalk people... and that it's actually a legit game. Like, a game with points and shit. Bitches know i love games with points.

So i started playing Foursquare about mid-january... no biggie, just checked in to the places i went to most often. Then I noticed these sweet crown looking things next to all my friend's names... and I wanted one. Bitches love crowns. Apparently these crowns mean you're the mayor of that specific location. Since when do mayors get crowns? If I knew that I'd have run for mayor a looong fuckin' time ago.

Little while goes by and I'm the mayor of my house. It's cool, whatever, it's where I live so it's a giveaway. I didn't know how much work it would take to become the mayor of anywhere else so i figured I'd just settle with being the mayor of myself... I still got a crown.

And then it happened...

I pull up to the dog park and as I'm parking, Marley and Rusty were in the back seat going ape shit because I was yelling "WE'RE AT THE PARK MAR! THE PARK! WEEE!" (it's to get the bitches excited)

I get the pooches out of the back seat, get them into the gate, hang up their leashes and off they pranced to go sniff some ass. I took out my phone and figured, ehh what the hell, why not check into the park again, maybe see who else is here. Then it happened...

"You have ousted Larry G. as Mayor of Bicentennial Dog Park."

o.0 ...

YES!!!


I really had to contain myself. I wanted to jump up and down like a nut job... instead, i calmly put my phone back in my pocket and started walking across the park to go socialize with the other non-canines.

The walk today was different... usually I'm clumsy and tripping through the loose sandy dirt but not today. My head was held high. I felt nine feet tall. My walk was more of a strut today...

I glided across the torn up grass like an Olympic ice dancer.

I didn't just walk past the piles of poop... I proudly pranced past with my chest out. That's MY shit. This is MY shitty sod covered field. All MINE!

I felt like I was the owner of the world. I stood at the top of the hill and watched the dogs barrel past each other and all I could do was stand there proudly with my arms crossed over my chest and nod in approval. Mere mortals would approach me and ask, "Is that your dog over there digging that hole?"

You bet your ass that's my dog.

She's digging the hole for the pool i'm having installed...

If you were a Mayor, you would understand.

...Silly bitches.




(and THAT is why people play Foursquare.)