New Projects... Oh Snap!!

Sooo It's time to announce some new things that I am working on.

Firstly, but of less importance, is a personal blog. This started off being a place where I could spill my guts, and share my days with everyone who cared enough to read this shit, but it has transformed into something way different. I'm happy with where my blog is now, because I can do whatever I want with it BUT I feel like I NEED to entertain people. Let's face it, not everyone is entertained by a normal girl's day-to-day life so I'm bringing all of that fun over to a new page. If you haven't noticed, there's a little button over to the right of the page... if you click it, it will bring you to my personal blog, where I've already posted a little explanation about what you can find there in the future.

I also have another project in the works, all thanks to a brilliant idea (that frankly, idk why no one ever thought of this before...) given to me by my good friend Ricky of Bass2Bucks. However, though it will be announced and released shortly-- I'm not going to spoil the fun early. (So ppffffttttt) <---(fart noise)

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know, there's going to be more links spammed on your news feeds and twitter time lines... (sorryimnotsorry).

Go click that shit son! And even if you're not too interested in what I'll be posting, I would LOVE if you would follow/subscribe to the new blog, just so I feel like SOMEONE cares a teeny tiny bit.

Thanks =0)

My "Hit" List

Everyone has a list of people (even people whom they don't know in real life) that they really cannot stand. Well, I'm not like everyone... I have a list of people that I would like to upper cut because they do something that totally irks me. Doesn't mean I don't like them... I just really wanna deck 'em right in the kisser. Just one time, ya know?

There's this one comedian/tv host that a lot of younger people really like... you may have heard of his show, Tosh.0. This dude is funny as hell. Well, most of the time. I don't know what it is, but something about the way he talks just makes me start to boil on the inside. Just one time, I'd love to walk right up to him while he's mid monologue in front of that stupid green screen, and just hurl a right hook straight through his feminine jawline. Don't tell me you've never thought about it.

 Dear Katherine, Less of this...

Some of the people that I want to punch don't really bother me. It's just that  I feel as if they could use a kick in the ass to help them out, ya know? Like Katherine Heigl for example... she is a beautiful blonde actress who isn't stick thin for once. BUT, she dressed like a friggin' grandma sometimes. Like, c'mon chick-- I'd kill for your body, put on some low cut shirts and stop pretending like you love wearing cardigans everywhere. Ryan Seacrest may be buying your librarian act but not me... I know you're a crazy bitch on the inside just like me.

...and more of THIS.

Now, I DO have one person on the list that I genuinely don't like... at all. Her name is Kristen Stewart. I'm probably going to be damned to hell by every Twilight loving girl on the internet for saying I hate her but come on... if I got to have 2 of the hottest guys alive (well, sort of alive) fight over me, I'd be a little more enthusiastic. I mean, I may even ATTEMPT to be a decent actor for the hell of it. Swift knuckle sammich for you, Kristen.




Also, I watched Step Brothers again for the billionth time today and I've decided to add John C. Reilly to the list of people to get punched. Don't get me wrong, he's funny as hell in quite a few movies, but he always plays that really annoying character that you just wish would shut up sometimes. Like, dude we get it, you can make a character seem super fucking mental and shit but there is a line I have to draw. If I want to legitimately punch my TV while watching you act, then you're being put on the list. Sorry, bro... you did it to yourself.

Getting Sexual with Jenna Marbles

I know, I know... you're sick of hearing about my epic girl-crush of epicness, Jenna Marbles. But I just can't help it... she is on fire.

Jenna Marbles, Queen of ALL the Things.

No, not literally... that would suck. A lot. Anyways, she released a little bit of awesomeness this Wednesday with her new video titled "What Girls Think About During Sex." Let me just say, she pretty much hit the nail on the head with this bad boy. (Warning, this is most definitely NSFW, and also age restricted on youtube, so you might have to log in to watch it)




If guys ever wondered about this sort of shit, here are all your answers. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving seeing Jenna getting down and dirty in the sexual badlands doing turtle spins for days but I'm beginning to wonder if she's going to reveal ALL our secrets...

I mean, girls have to have SOME secrets, and pretty soon guys will know just about all of them if Marbles keeps up the pace. Maybe it's part of her genius plan for hot girls to take over the world. (Kelso was right... there IS a secret hot girls club!!) Or maybe she just wanted to drop the hint to all you creeptastic creeper faces out there that this is as close as you're going to get to a Jenna Marbles sex tape.  Maybe in the next one (we all know what's coming) "What Boys Think About During Sex" her boy toy Max will have a starring role... I think it's about time he played along in the videos.

I'm in the process of making a spoof/parody sort of video relating to Jenna's impact on girls... it's going to be pretty friggin' sweet if I do say so myself... so look for that in the next week or so. ("Or so" as in i'm actually putting some work into this one.)

That's all I've got for now. There's a psycho puppy who is damp and smells like lavender trying to maim Ryan so I think it's about that time... until the next one!

Something for Everyone.

I understand how my blog doesn't appeal to everyone... some times it doesn't even appeal to anyone but I do that on purpose. I'm not for everyone, and everything I write about reflects my attitude. I'm different and if you don't like it, you don't like it. But today, you might just like me. I'm going to share a few blogs and such that will appeal to many different audiences-- and don't worry I'm not picking randoms out of a hat, these are some of my personal favorites.

An Explorations of Heartache

If you are in a relationship and having issues, or you're fresh out of a relationship and don't know what to do next then An Exploration of Heartache is the place for you. My good friend SnS shares every little detail about her personal and dating life, from breaking up with her long term lover to online dating sites. Not only does it give you some hope to see someone else who was able to grow and learn from a painful break up, but it really helps that her writing is phenomenal. I feel like I'm watching a rom-com sometimes!

Bass2Bucks

I'm going to just cater to the girls here, I know guys like to read blogs too (admit it, it's not a secret anymore) so for those guys who are into the hunting and fishing scene, I've got a treat for you. Another good friend of mine named Ricky has an awesome blog called Bass2Bucks (get it? eh? eh?) about hunting and fishing in Florida. He features stories sent in from readers, awesome photos, and fishing/hunting reports etc. He's got a great concept for all you guys who like to get down and dirty, and catch your own dinner so go check it out and tell him I sent you! It would also be awesome if you 'Liked' his page on facebook!

Too Good For Radio

This next one is for anyone who has an appreciation for good music.. oh, so like... everyone. Yet another friend of mine (wait, when did i get so many friends? and so many who were so talented?) Jared, is part of a really sweet music blog called Too Good For Radio. This blog is exactly what it sounds like... a place to listen to, download, and watch video for all the music that is way too good for the radio. They announce album releases, provide you with links to listen in, and also a ton of sweet mix tapes and remixes to download. Definitely a place to check out for EVERYONE. Oh, and they have a facebook page too! Right here, folks!

These aren't the only awesome blogs I have in my secret stash of awesomeness, and this certainly isn't the last post of its time... if you have any suggestions for other cool sites, let me know!

Things I would make my Kids do... if I had kids.

I don't want children, and I never really have... mostly because I feel like they would turn out exactly like I did and I don't feel like dealing with... well, myself. But, if you have ever sat at home on a weekday and watched tv, seeing kids is unavoidable, so some times I think about how I would have a much more successful child than whats-her-face on TLC.

This kid is crying because my kid just made out with his mommy.

First of all, my kid would be a friggin' ninja-hitman-mob boss. Why? Because I would put them to bed while watching The Boondock Saints, The Godfather, Rush Hour, and Crank. Kids going to be a criminal genius, BUT in like a good guy gets the bad guy kind of way. No blankies for this baby, little buddy is going to be snuggling a grenade launcher in it's crib.

Once acquiring the skills of a finely tuned killing machine, we have to choose a hobby of sorts. If it's a boy, the kid is going to live on a board. Surfers have the best bodies... I mean have you seen Kelly Slater? Dude is how old? Who cares, he's hot! If it's a girl, this might be more complicated. Maybe ballet, but I don't want a girly frou-frou girl... maybe softball but I don't want her to develop lesbian tendencies, I'm thinking she's going to follow my foot steps and be a runner. (This will go hand in hand with being a criminal genius later on, right?)  One important factor though, my child will NEVER be in a pageant, or wear a cheer leading uniform. Ever.

After using these hobbies for a while to cover up the epic skills of epicness, I'm going to start making my kid learn some life skills. Happy 6th birthday, you're going to cook a pot roast! Yay you graduated second grade, now go resurface the driveway! That way, if all else fails, the little guy will have a normal skill to fall back on. I'm thinking for sixth grade they'll learn how to money launder... ya know, just for fun.

Sure, you can make your kids learn epic skills, and play certain sports while they're young but once they grow a bit older, they can decide for themselves where they go from there... but what is something that will stick with them forever? What is the one thing that people automatically judge before they meet you? Your fucking name, that's what!

My kid won't have a normal "average joe" name... no way, bro! My kid is going to have either a bad ass name, or a hot girl name. Like the kind of name where people think "Boy, she would've looked stupid if she named her daughter that, and she didn't turn out to be hot!" I've thought a little bit about good names, but I've mostly thought about horrible names. For example: Blanket. What the fuck, Michael? First thing I think about when I hear the word blanket is puppies. My kid is NO puppy.

I'm thinking exotic, almost threatening sounding names... like Katalina and Alejandro. You wouldn't fuck with an Alejandro... Lady Gaga would be all up on your shit.


Do't be hatin' on my parenting... my kid will probably be the Sec. Def. one day! ;)

A Seasonal Tale.

If winter were a person, it would be a good looking girl with psychological issues... oh, and she'd be a huge slut.  Just think about it for a minute.

This is what I think Winter aka "Winnie" would look like.

For the purpose of this blog, and because Winter would be a stupid name for a girl, we're going to call her "Winnie" (yeah, like The Wonder Years).

This year, Winnie let her slut flag fly a little bit early by sleeping with Autumn's holiday. Usually Halloween is a cool crisp day, one that has made Autumn quite famous for being an awesome party season... but not this year. This year Winnie got all up in Autumn's business and stole her holiday. Halloween was ruined for like... fuckin' everyone up in the northeast... if you think about it Winnie cock blocked every dude in New England by laying her blanket of frosty shittyness everywhere, causing costumes to go from skank-tastic, to just plain risque.

Here is Autumn

See, Autumn is used to having a little fight with Winnie over Thanksgiving, but this was just too big of a battle for her...  (I'm picturing Winnie as a hot blonde chick, and Autumn is a pretty good looking ginger) She was no match for Winnie this year. There's not even a question about Thanksgiving now, it's probably going to snow in fucking Texas for Thanksgiving, and Autumn is going to pack all her shit and move to Madagascar for the rest of the year.

Sure, Winnie is going to pull a robbery on Autumn twice this year, and then she's going to bask in the glory of her own holidays, (which by the way are the biggest ones of the year) but what's next?? Are Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Years not enough for her? She needs more?

Spring... the passive-aggressive girl with no self confidence.

In the past few years it has been snowing later and later into the early months of spring... this year I predict some winter-y, slutty mayhem.  Saint Patrick's Day is synonymous with green... this year? Nope! White as a mother fucker! Winnie wants her pot of gold, and she wants it now. Easter? Pastel, flowery goodness? Not a damn chance! Winnie is going to break off a piece of that cotton tail and blanket the ground so that not one little egg has a chance at being found. Spring might as well just not even come out of her hibernation chamber.

Look at the evidence, folks! Winnie-- er, Winter is taking over! She's already taken October, November, December, January, February, March, and even April... what the fuck?! That's more than half the year! Someone needs to control this bitch! ...This is where the bigger, hotter slut comes in... Summer.

Summer... the really cool, really hot season.

Summer is that blonde bombshell from camp that makes everyone sweat like they're being interrogated.  She's the best kind of slut... she get's everyone all hot, they take off their clothes, swim around like little tadpoles, shoot fire into the air... pretty much has people acting like a bunch of friggin' apes. Then, just when you're starting to lose control of all your human qualities, she's all "Peace out, I'm gonna go down south and spread the love there for a little bit."  She leaves before you gotta kick the bitch out for her walk of shame!

She is just the girl to stop Winnie in her tracks after she screws everything from Halloween until Easter. Winnie can have those months, no one wants to be in school during warm beautiful weather anyway... but if she even attempts to get any further than the beginning of April, then Summer is going to lay the smack down on her icy ass. Eventually, I wouldn't be surprised if Summer decided she wanted Halloween and Thanksgiving for herself...

Anyways, that's my story about how Winter is a huge slut and a cold hard bitch, and Summer is a slut also, but a hotter one and minus the bitchiness. Oh, and Autumn and Spring as passive-aggressive wimps who can't stand up for themselves.

The End!