Huffing and Puffing

Wow.
I worked a lot this week! 66 hours at the stand alone, and then maybe another combined 10 hours on the farm and bottling honey.
This is way more hard work than I anticipated... but in a good way.

It's memorial day and I thought we were going to open the stand, but KB just got back home from the barn an hour or so ago, and I think he went back to sleep. Hmm... I thought today would be a busy day for the honey bizz, but not if we don't even open up lol.

I feel a little weird today... for some reason my ankles are swollen and hard as a rock. They don't hurt but they severely affect my mobility, and it's pretty annoying. I also feel like I can't focus on anything-- someone handed me a $20 bill yesterday evening and I had to make then $8 change, but I couldn't count... seriously. I was having the hardest time counting from 12 to 20, to the point where the customer asked me if I was ok! Maybe it's all exhaustion? I hope so... though I did get about 10 hours of sleep last night and my ankles are still puffy, and I still feel like I cannot complete a thought for the life of me. (it took a good 5 minutes to write that last sentence.)

So KB is trying to enforce a set of "rules" for this summer. His number one rule is No Business with Benefits. Fine by me! Number 2 is that he said I have to get a boyfriend to distract me when I'm not working. Uhhh, no... don't think so. The last thing I need right now is a distraction from my distraction. Especially one that's a male, and has expectations. I asked if I could just find a friend and call it a day... he said no. Ha.

---------------------------- 3 days later---------------------------------

Ok, so now it's Thursday and I completely forgot about this blog post that I started. I was typing happily away until KB's mom came up and told me how she was going to clean out KB's sister's old bedroom for me to stay in, because it's bigger and has more privacy. (The room I'm in now is huge, so I can't picture how big this one is...) I told her I was planning on finding my own place soon if the apartment KB is building is going to take too long and she laughed at me. She said that was nonsense and that she was adopting me, and that I will stay here with them. I don't think I've ever met such a giving family!

Anyway after that, KB woke up from his power nap and brought me over to the honey stand for a few hours. Ohhh boy, what a treat that was... little did I know, he was going to teach me how to pack up the stand for transport, since I had the next 2 days off. (He doesn't leave is there if no one is going to be there the next day) So I packed everything away and then he told me to jack up the front of the trailer so he could put it on his hitch. Uhh--- what?

Then, I made a mistake. I said "I can't figure this out, will you help me?" Fuck. Never say you can't do something to KB... ever. He said "well you just said the death word, so I'm going to go, you can call me when you've figured it out."

He wasn't kidding! He literally drove away and left me sitting there not knowing what I was doing. I kicked some lever, and spun some pulley thing until the hitch-y thingy started lifting up off the ground... yes, I figured it out! So I called him and said "OK I did it, you can come back now!" Apparently I took too long, because he responded "Ehh, well now you have to revel in your victory for a little while, I'm at Home Depot shopping for wood."

Hahaha, very funny jerk face.

Anywho, he comes back, realizes he does even have the right sized hitch on his truck, so i did all of that for nothing. Nice.

After that fun time, we went back to his house and had an amazing steak dinner with his parents... I ate all sorts of vegetables that I'd never even seen before, but they were delicious! Parsnips for example... sweet and soft and yummy. The only ones I couldn't get around were the sweet potatoes and the avocado... I don't think I'll ever like those. After scarfing down dinner, we had to race to the farm to meet up with people who were buying more bees, and also to meet up with my friend Jeff who came all the way from Boston to go camping on the farm with me!

Now, I have to go to work, and Then tonight after we have a s'mores party I will come back and write about the awesome adventure I had on my 2 days off. :)

TBC...

Well... what now?

I really hoped today would be more interesting... alas, it was not.

The most exciting part of the day was just 2 hours ago when KB and I were transporting a hive in the back of his truck, and for some reason the bees didn't stay put after he smoked them. Long story short, they all came inside the truck and I nearly had a heart attack-- but luckily I didn't get stung. (he did... ha!)

Somehow I can spend 10 hours outside in florida and not get an ounce of color, but today in NY i got singed. My arm are bright red, and I have a wicked farmer's tan. Sexy... I tell you what! I ended up sitting at the damn honey stand until almost 9pm because KB was so content on his damn tractor that he didn't realize how late it was until the sun started going down.

Annnnddd, I just woke up... I think i passed out sitting on the floor writing this, and I dont feel like finishing it. I wasn't going to be anything interesting but I guess I had something on my mind. It's lost now haha, but you know where to find it, if I ever do.

Another Life Lesson from The King Bee, himself.

I still have the mind of a child.
I cannot make decisions on my own, and I constantly need someone to guide the way for me.
I always feel like I need a protector of sorts, so that when I do have to make a decision, there is someone to hold on to along the way.

I was never like this before. I used to do whatever the fuck I wanted to and I didn't care what people thought, but as of recently I have forgotten how to do that. Something has caused me to be so doubtful of myself that I can't function any more.

I'm going to write out word-for-word (to the best of my knowledge) a few conversations KB and myself had yesterday...

KB: So what's your goal at the stand today?

Me: Umm... make a lot of money?

KB: Well, good start but be more specific. Dollar amounts?

Me: I don't know...

KB: Idk if you've noticed, but when I ask you a question, be it usually a very simple one, I expect a definitive answer. It's not that hard.

Me: Ok... how about, I want to beat yesterday.

KB: Good enough, I guess.


(now later in the day)

KB: Are you hungry?

Me: Mehhh...

KB: What the hell does that mean? Are you hungry, yes or no? Do you want to eat?

Me: I'm not really hungry but I guess I should eat something so that I'm not hungry later.

KB: Ok. So where do you want to go? Don't say "ehhh idk," give me an answer.

Me: Let's just go to a grocery store, I have a few things I need to pick up anyway.

KB: There we go, making some progress.


-- Later on after we had closed up the stand, we were running back to the farm to try to find where KB left his phone. On the way up the hill we passed where all the hives he was selling were stacked, and since it was still light out, thousands of bees were flying around them. The windows to the truck were rolled down, and the button on my door didn't work, it can only be closed from the driver's side. I freaked out... full on panic mode, and I almost started to cry. That's when this next conversation started.

KB: Why are you so afraid of bees?

Me: I think it's just anxiety... I don't want to be afraid, I just am.

KB: Well don't worry, by the end of the summer when I make you do all the things you thought you couldn't, so that you realize that you CAN, you won't have any anxiety left.

Me: Mhmm...

KB: What is that supposed to mean?

Me: I will shake your hand if you can make my anxieties go away, sir.

KB: Well, here's how I see it... your anxieties are all mental. I'm not saying you are mental, I'm saying your problems are. You're reverting back to a child-like state. You cannot make decisions, and you refuse to be alone, as if you're scared of EVERYTHING. Now, I will fix this. All of this... you just have to do everything that I tell you to do, and when I tell you to do it. (I giggled a bit when he said that, like a child again...) Why are you laughing? I'm serious Lauren, if you do everything I tell you to do, by the end of the summer you will be acting like the adult that you are.


I didn't have any words after that... I just thought about how right he was. It's amazing that I didn't notice any of this sooner.

(now later on, on the drive back to his house...)

KB: Ok so first things first, we've got to solve some of your current problems. What do you think your first problems are?

Me: Idk... what do you mean?

KB: Ok, I'll give you this one... -- You need a place to stay and you need a set of wheels... I already said I'd take care of the wheels, you've just got to decide what you want, so that one is half taken care of. Now what can you do about finding a place to stay?

Me: Um... idk, why are we doing this?

KB: Seriously Lauren, we're just 2 friends talking. How about, you give me 5 ways to solve that problem, no matter how impossible they are, right now. Like you can say "I'm going to build a rocket ship and live on mars." Or, "I'm going to buy a house!" Most likely impossible, but those would be a solution... ok your turn, 5 solutions...

Me: Uh... build a place to live?

KB: There ya go, working with what we've got already... continue.

Me: Umm... find a place to rent?

KB: Ok...

Me: Find a friend in town who has a spare bedroom?

KB: That works too... see it's not that hard to think sometimes. You can't just shut down and act like a child when someone is telling you something you don't like. I want 5 more solutions tomorrow morning.

As soon as I got into the house, I ran upstairs and hopped on craigslist and looked at local rooms for rent, and shared housing... I found what looks like a good deal, sharing a 2 bedroom apartment, $750 a month, close-by... I just have to call the number and find out the big details.

I still don't know why he's going through so much trouble just to help me like this. I feel like I can't ask him, but I also feel like I shouldn't ask him, I should just take the help.

I feel a lot better knowing there is someone out there willing to take the time from his amazingly busy schedule just to help one person get over some fears and anxieties. Like-- what have I done for him to deserve this? Who knows, but there aren't enough thank-you cards in the world for this one.

Here comes the sun...

dodo dodo... love that song.

It is beautiful outside... not a cloud to be seen, birds chirping, a crisp 65 degrees... it is going to be warm and amazing today. Hopefully I can work on my newly acquired farmer's tan at the honey stand this morning...

I don't quite have enough time to write a full update, so I'm saving that for this evening-- until then I have finalized my designs for my next 2 tattoos, which I hope to acquire in the next 2 weeks. They are as follows...

Numero Uno:

That means "Let them hate so long as they fear" -- and i feel like that's self explanatory.

Numero Dos:

And this one means "Truth and Justice" or "Truth and Equality" (depending on how you translate it). Yes, the famous Boondock Saints tattoos... but I'm not getting it to be in with the pop culture aspect of it, I'm getting it because those are the 2 most important qualities that I look for in a person, and also that I will remain faithful to until I'm a zombie somewhere.

Well, it's light out which means I can actually find my way around KB's house, which also means that I have to pee really bad...

Hasta la vista amigos!

Learning the Truth.

This past weekend was a huge learning experience for me... not completely positive but in time i'm sure I will look back and appreciate it all.

I think that anyone who decides that they want to own and run a farm is probably insane. But I also envy them... farming is so liberating and I now understand why someone would want to do it.

I woke up at 5:30am and immediately walked down to the barn to feed the baby sheep and chicks. They were adorable, and it was one of the coolest things ever getting to feed them. After they ate we walked around to the other end of the barn where all the honey is stored, where i proceeded to load about 15 25lb boxes into the back of the truck. King Bee (KB) said that in 2 weeks he expects me to be able to lift 50lbs up to at least my chest or I'm demoted to wench. Ha... I believe him though because I feel stronger already.

Next step of the day was to go check on the green house on the farm, so we hopped in the truck and drove over. Can you say mud? Imagine trying to drive a huge Dodge 3500 Dually up a giant muddy hill... yeah it's quite the roller coaster ride. As we slowly made our way up the hill all I could do was look around at all the work KB and the guys got done the day before. All the fields that didn't already have crops were plowed and ready to go, the bee's were all tended to (all 450 hives) and all the big orders for the next day were lined up waiting to be picked up. It was quite the belittling experience.

Finally KB dropped my off at the Honey Stand and gave me a quick lesson on how to set up for the morning... nothing too tough, and he left shortly after. Now, I sit and wait. I expected it to be a slow and boring day, but for a little trailer on the side of the road he gets a LOT of business! People come from all over the area just to buy his honey... and not just one little jar. We had people buying the $55 12lb jars like they were going out of style! I was impressed, to say the least at how booming his little business actually was.

There was no shortage of characters that came to the stand... old people, children, couples, single guys, single women, families and soccer teams. It was amazing to see how so many different people had a love for honey and it's nutritional abilities. I was at the stand from roughly 9am to 6:30pm and in that amount of time I had made over $1100. Did I mention it was cold and raining the entire day? KB was surprised with how busy it was, he said he expected it to be a $500 day because of the weather but he was going to go ahead and assume that we got a handful of new customers because they saw a pretty girl sitting there instead of him. I agree... because about 50% of the men that came in there asked me out. Is there something about girls who actually work hard that drive men nuts or something? Haha, regardless I had a lot of fun.

After packing up the stand and heading back to the farm I was sore, my nose was sunburned and my butt hurt like hell from sitting on a stool for 9 hours. I felt great... I think that I learned that if I just don't think about it, and I let all my thoughts and worries escape me, then I can accomplish things I would've once said I couldn't.

Ahh, that's another thing-- KB's motivational speeches are the best. He likes to repeat himself until you remember his point, and it really does work. Some examples from yesterday:

KB: Does that make sense to you?
Me: Yup!
KB: No, it makes motha' fuckin' dollas! Cents don't pay the bills!

He would ask me throughout the day if something he just explained made sense, and it took me about 5 times before I was saying "No it makes motha' fuckin' dollas!" too.

Another tactic of his made me realize how much of a panzy I am sometimes. He told me to open the tailgate of his truck and put my suitcases in. Now... his tailgate is about my height, so getting leverage in a giant field of mud is pretty tough. I tried and failed, so i walked back over to the driver side window and said, "I can't open it." He replied, "Don't ever say you can't do something, no go try it again." So i tried again, no dice. I was slipping and sliding everywhere, I could barely reach the handle, I was hurting my fingers... again I quit. "I'm really unable to do this, KB." He looked at me like, 'oh well sucks for you!' and rolled up his window. I realized he was testing me... seeing how easily I would give up. I backed up into the grass and got a running start. I jumped up onto the bumper, pulled my hand in my sleeve and pulled with all of my weight, and finally the handle lifted! I got down and put my bags in the truck, and then closed the gate back up.

I hopped back in the truck and looked at KB and said, "I did it!" He just smiled, and we drove away. Sure, my hand was sore and my pants were muddy and I was out of breath but I would have quit 2 tries ago had he let me, but he didn't. A bit down the road he said, "If you ever say you can't do something, I'm going to stop the car and make you try until you DO do it. You have to realize your self esteem is holding you back... if someone ever said that you couldn't do something then this summer you will prove them wrong."

It's good to know the truth-- that eventually, you can accomplish anything.

A Most Wonderful Dream

While this is still fresh in my mind, I've decided to share a dream (or what I can remember of it) that I had this morning.

Even as I try to think back at it, more and more of it is slipping away which is unfortunate because in this dream i was the most comfortable I had ever been in my life. I want to re-live that feeling every single day but I know it's less than likely. It was so disappointing to wake up and see that dream wasn't a reality and I honestly have never felt like that before.

The dream felt like it took place over a few days, but I only remember the best part. I remember going to work at the honey farm... and having a particularly awkward work day. I was being bossed around by my "boss" King Bee (aka KB) left and right, as he was having a seemingly stressful day. I remember pulling KB to the side and telling him that if he was stressed out he could talk to me about it... get it off his chest, ya know? (always so helpful in my dreams lol)

A little time went by, some normal dream drama that's kind of fuzzy now, but then the big climax happened... KB walked up to me with a look on his face that screamed "I'm ready to talk now." He pulled me to the side by my arm and he looked me in the eye and said, "I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that I don't want to spend the rest of my life standing right next to you," at this point I'm sure my dream-jaw was on the floor. He continued, "I don't care anymore what i thought I wanted at one point, because I know now that what I've always wanted was you."

Umm... WHAT?! Huh?! Say that again?! Even in my sleep I got that fluttery butterfly feeling... hell, I was probably smiling like the god damn pudding commercial guy at this point.

Now, unlike many other dreams, after he said this he didn't go in for a kiss and then it turns into a sex dream. Quite the opposite. All he did after he said that was grab my hand, and nodded at me. That was the point when I had an epiphany. I felt like from them on everything was going to be ok. It was insane. Nothing could go wrong in the world from then on, and from that point on in the dream, he was always with me... standing right next to me. It went on for days, there was crazy dream shit, there was impossible dream moments, none of which i remember the details, but i do remember KB being there with me the whole time.

The only thing that sucks now is that it was just a dream, and that's not how it is in real life. It never will be either, at the rate my life is going. Oh well, ya know? All i can do is sit back, and observe everyone else enjoying their lives and just hope that my epiphany comforting moment will come... eventually.

Jenna Marbles Does it Again!

I didn't think this girl could make me love her any more than I already did, alas she has impressed me once again.

Her newest video is a rant, bitching out (in a great way) all the stupid ass annoying girls out in the world today. Thank friggin' god that someone agrees with me about this. Females suck (well, I can name a few who don't, but most do) and they always will suck.

I'm glad that someone as viewed by that demographic as Jenna Marbles has finally spoken honestly on the matter. Though it was sad that we didn't have a video of Jenna in minimal clothing and shaking her ass, it's about time we recognized her for having some actual intelligence.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jenna Marbles' Rant: Girls who Piss her off.



Dear Jenna,
I Love you. Be my friend. I will pick up your dog's poop and feed it to Seth. Max can watch too since he's probably into that sort of thing. kthxbye.

Maybe she can join the Honey Bunnies? lol

Dude, it's a llama!

...No dude.

So the other night I was in the car with Shelley's mom, driving home. I twas foggy as fuck out, and the mixture of fog and headlights started casting weird ass shadows.

Here we go, down the road, and out of no where, I yell, "Oh my god! Look!!" and frantically pointed at the side of the road. Her mom said "What?! What is it?!" and slowed down the car to about 10 mph. As we got nearer to my miraculous discovery, I saw what was really there... disappointment.

"What was it Laur?" she asked.

"Oh it's just a mailbox... I thought there was an Ostrich on the side of the road."

I already lost track of the day numbers...

...ok not really, but this post is going to be both day 4 and 5, and frankly I like being a bit more creative than just numbering my posts anyway.

Tuesday the 17th, was day 4 up here in CT. Still cold, still raining. I woke up around 8 to my new boss aka one of my best friends calling me. I answered the phone in my sleep and i vaguely remember him saying something about which car i'd prefer. I didnt quite understand or listen to his question so I said "I dont care what car i drive, as long as it gets good mileage." His response, "umm ok, not quite the answer i was looking for but ill work with it." and then he hung up.

Uhh thanks for waking me up bro... appreciate it.

I decided it would be a good time to wake up after laying there for another 30 minutes, and realizing nobody was home. They must have left for work about 5 minutes before my phone rang. I got up and ate an amazing bagel... the kind you can't get anywhere down south, it was chewy and delicious. Soon after finishing that I did my bikini babe workout thing on youtube, and took a shower. I got out of the shower and went to my room to get dressed, and then I made my way back to the living room. The walk from the room I was sleeping in, into the living room, passed by the unused front door... and it just so happened that the second I walked past the front door, someone banged on it. I jumped and screamed, and then looked through the peep-hole. I saw the mailman standing there, puzzled looking, and then he slowly backed away. Asshole scared the shit out of me. I spent another hour or 2 watching tv, and writing the last blog, and then i decided I wanted to work out again. I Got down into the push-up position, and did about 12 push ups. Before I know it, I jolt awake, on the floor, still in push-up position, and it's pouring rain. 4 hours had gone by, and I fell fast asleep on the damn floor. Wow, what good shape I'm in.

Soon after, my best friend's mom got home and made us angel hair pasta and meatballs. I ate about 97 pounds of it, and then watched Dancing with The Stars until I couldn't stay awake any longer.

The next morning, day 5, I woke up bright and early... 7am to be exact. Shelley's mom was going to bring me to her apartment so i could help Shelley pack up her stuff to move home from school. We got there around 8:30, and it was raining and cold. (what else is new?) I helped her until about 11:30, at which point we couldn't take the sounds of our stomachs growling so we gorged on some leftover chinese food. Soon after we finished eating, her roommates woke up from a late night of boozing... we bullshitted, watched some spongebob, at some girl scout cookies... the normal girly stuff. Time started going by quicker so shelley wanted to run out and do some things before we left. I grabbed a cookie for the road, and stuck it halfway in my mouth as we headed out the door. Shelley swung open the door and there stood a god-like creature. We all screamed and in doing so, my cookie fell out of my mouth. (Luckily i have cat-like reflexes, and i managed to catch it before it hit the ground...)Some how, Shelley opened her door just as her upstairs neighbor, Mark, was about to knock on it to ask to use their printer. Now--- no one warned me about this Mark specimen, but he was single handedly one of the most attractive males I've ever laid my eyes upon, and there he was staring at me with a cookie dangling out of my mouth... awesome. I ducked my head and ran out the door and into the elevator where Shelley and I both fell to the ground in laughter and embarrassment.

We ran her errands and then her roommates drove us to the train station. We had to take the train from New Haven to Fairfield, where her mom worked, and from there we were going to drive down to Brewster to meet her family for dinner. WORST MODE OF TRANSPORTATION EVER. Hot, sticky, sweaty, shakey, rocking, bouncy, nauseating and loud. The only good thing about the whole ride was this nurse who sat across from Shelley and I, she kept insisting that we were sisters... it reminded us of when we were younger. When we finally got to Fairfield, all we had to do was walk down the block and across the street to get to where he mom worked, no biggie right? Wrong. The second we started walking, it started to pour... so our easy walk turned into our leisurely sprint in the rain. Hair? Ruined... Clothes? Soaked. Pupils? Dialated. (Shelley's mom works for an eye surgeon, and Shelley had her eyes examined lol) After her mom closed down shop, we got int her car and drove to Brewster. It took a little over an hour, and I was so hungry I could eat the friggin' leather seats in the car.

We met up with 11 of her closest relatives at this AMAZING Italian place called Cugini's... (I think that's what it was...) It happened to be pasta night, so all pasta dishes were $9 instead of $13, which still would've been a good deal because I ate about half of my Gnocchi Bolognese and I have about a pound of it left still. The food was delicious, and the entertainment, provided by Shelley's 2.5 year old nephew singing the ABC's and the hippo song, was adorable.

The ride home took way way too long, and left me completely exhausted. Now, it's 3:30 in the afternoon on Thursday and I'm still tired as fuck. Sitting in this new and improved: Lazier, La-z-boy chair has in fact made me lazier... so I probably left some useless crap out. I might film my next blog post so i don't have to type it all out. Because I'm lazy. Ha.

Hopefully I start work tomorrow, to shake this laziness. Hmm do I smell more girl scout cookies?

Not too Busy Bee - Day 3

Well yesterday was filled with a whole bunch of nothing...
I sat at my friend's house alllll day alone while her and her mother were at work. When they got home we had home made chicken soup and yummy italian bread. (The kind you can't find in Florida.)

Later in the night we watched A Bronx Tale, and then gossiped about boys and junk, ya know... girly shit. It wasn't until I was the only one still awake that things got kind of weird.

The ex sent me an IM (i don't remember what time) saying he was falling apart. He said he was going to give up on everything, and nothing is going right, blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I felt sorry for him... as much of an asshole as I am, I do still care about him and I hate to see him struggle. I talked to him for a while, reminding him that he is strong and that you can't let stupid problems run your life. All he had to say was "It is what it is I guess..."

Being a girl, I had to correct him (because he's a boy, duh) and I reminded him, "Yeah maybe it is what it is, but that's only until you realize that it is what YOU make it."

I guess I said something right because he responded with a smiley-face and said "wow, you're completely right."

Even if he did break my heart, it feels good to know I can still help him, and he can still help me... I'm going to take my own advice. I'm going to MAKE this be the best summer... hell the best rest of the year, ever. I'm going to man up and impress everyone with my diligence and effort. Things are going to change, and I'm glad I've decided to not let any dumb boys get in my way.

This is a Lauren Only summer as far as my priorities go... I'm not going to look for any relationships except for friendships, and I'm just going to have fun. If some great opportunity is out there, it will find me. Just remember, you snooze you lose.

(that was sort of a mental note.)

Oh, and here is all that came out of Day 3:

Busy Bee Adventure- Day 2

AGH.
That's all that comes to mind right now.
I am damp, cold, and sore as an asshole in prison. Fuuuck. Not to say I didnt enjoy my day! I had a great time with my best friend Shelley and her family, who i've always been close to.

Anyway, yesterday was officially day one, but i din't get to share what I did once I arrived in New York, so here are the juicy details...

My flight landed right on time despite taking off a little late due to the rain and lightning in Orlando. I had to wait 20 minutes for my friend to pick me up, but I didn't mind sitting inside and defrosting my toes. Once he picked me up we went to his house to change vehicles and go to his farm.

If you have never driven on a farm road in a huge truck then you are missing out. This wasn't even a road, it was a less grassy path through 67 acres of hills and crops. It was like a slow roller coaster ride...

Anyway we got up to the part of the farm that had the hives on it, and He had me building these boxes that had a wax film over them (I'm assuming for water-proofing purposes) so he could load up some hives to sell to some dude. It was dark and cold, raining and dirty, but i was sitting on the ground in jeans and flip flops, and painted nails. After he finished putting hives in boxes we walked over to his greenhouse where one of his other "employees" had made a fire in a steel drum for us to warm up by. I forgot how amazing boyscout fires smelled... Finally the guy who was buying the bee's showed up, about 30 minutes late, and we loaded the boxes into his truck. Then we had to walk back over to where we parked.

It was totally dark out, and I'm walking through carrot crops in flip flops. I was using my friggin' cell phone as a flashlight, and trying not to break my ankle at the same time... I made it eventually, and then my friend drove me the 40 minutes to my friend Shelley's house in Naugatuck, CT.

The next day, which was technically day 2 started off early. I woke up around 6am, and got dressed to go spend the morning in the rain for Shelley's graduation. By the time everything got settled the ceremony started about 30 minutes late... and despite her last name starting with a B, shelley was one of the last people to walk because the stupid school decided they were going to call the names in order of when they arrived. Lame as fuck.

Anyway, we left there a little after 1, after having a light snack at the reception we went back to the house to change into our party clothes. By a little after 2, we were dressed and on the way to the party at a restaurant just down the road. The food was awesome, and there were tons of people there. Shelley looked great, she had this hot pink strapless dress on with these killer heels... and she was more tan than I am so that was awkward lol. We ate a shit ton of really good food, then a butt load of delicious italian cookies, and yummy cake. At this point i was just ready to pass out from lack of sleep and the insane soreness of my upper body muscles. (Lifting 2 heavy suitcases for hours probably had something to do with it...)

After the party we all came back to the house and ate even more dessert, and sat around talking about the good old times. Shortly after midnight i finally got to sleep... it was incredible. I slept until about 9:45 today, and that's when I found out that I wouldn't in fact be working today. It seems as if I will just sit here and relax until Shelley's mommy comes home, unless something else pops up.

Sorry if I didn't go into terrible detail, I'm way too exhausted to try and recall everything. From now on though I'm going to try and blog and post pictures mobile-y throughout the day so that I don't omit anything.

Keep on truckin'...

:)

Busy Bee Adventure- Day 1

7am wakin' up in the mornin'
Gotta get dressed, gotta go downstairs--

...oh wait, nevermind, I thought I was Rebeca Black for a second. I don't even have stairs!

Anyway I really did wake up at 7am... 15 minutes before my alarm. I didn't mind so much this time because I was way to excited to sleep any longer. It took me less than an hour to do my hair, make up, get dressed, put everything in it's respective suitcase and clean up my room (oh and pocket dial my ex somehow... I bet he has a 10 minute long voice mail of me peeing or something, yay!). Now, why did I set my alarm for so early in the first place??

Who cares, whatever, I'm just pumped to get going! I'm not too fond of saying goodbye to everyone though. Even just hugging my dad when he left for work this morning made me cry, and so is thinking about it now. I think for once in my life I'm going to call home at least once a day. Too bad my dog's cant pick up the phone...

My stomach just growled so I think I'm going to eat something small and quick so that my nerves don't make me throw up. (ha) Never fear, though... I have a 10am shuttle that will arrive at the Orlando Airport at 11:30, at which I will then have to wait for my 2:50pm flight. (which means I will most likely blog in the airport and talk about all the weird people I see!)

Good Morning :)

Friday the 13th...

Dun dun duuunnnnnn...

I forgot it was Friday the 13th until about noon-ish, and i was perpetually paranoid from that point on. Luckily only one bag thing happened today and it's not even THAT bad. I'm still pissed about it though.

One of my blogs, "Sucky sucky 5 dolla'" was lost when blogger took a shit last night. I don't know how the fuck a place like blogger loses someone's blogs, but why me? Why That blog? That was so fun to write, and it took me 2 days, and now it's gone. Boo on you blogger. Hiss.

Maybe I will do my best to re-write it during my travels tomorrow. I'm grabbing the 10am shuttle to the Orlando Airport for a 2:50 flight. Why so early you ask? Because the's the biggest god damn airport ever, and it takes for fucking ever to get through security. It's also a saturday, which seem to be one of the busier days in the orlando area... i'm just making sure I have enough buffer, chillaxin' time.

I'm pretty much packed, I just have to take a shower and put all the stuff I need to get ready in the morning in their respective bags, and I'm good to go. It's bittersweet... I feel like I'm going to forget something non-essential and totally regret not bringing it later on. Idk what that might be yet, because I have multiples of everything I could think of. Ahh, one of those items is my hair dryer... I have a feeling I'm going to be taking night showers, and doing my hair in the morning, but I'm thinking "What if I have an event to go to and I shower right before hand, what will I do with my hair?" It normally wouldn't be such a big friggin' deal but my hairdryer is a beast. It's huge... like, fattest hair dryer ever. It's not old or anything, it's just a diffuser, so i dont scorch my hair. Anyway, my huge ass suitcase is close to capacity and I dont want it to go over weight.

I feel like I have too many clothes, as my carry on is packed with them too. Agh, this is annoying, I hate having to follow strict guidelines about what i can bring on a plane. I would totally bring all 100+ bottles of nailpolish if I could, but no... I'm bringing 3. THREE. This is a real commitment for me... I chose the three I knew I would always love, and I just have to live with my toes being the same color all summer. Whatever.

To sum it all up, blogger is going to get a swift kick to the nads, I'm stressed about packing, and I'm about to enjoy the farewell brownies I just baked, and snuggle with my dogs until the very minute I have to leave in the morning. Peace love and Thin Mints. <3

Moo.

Basket Case

I guess I'll give this sort of disclaimer... this post is void of any vulgarity, and crude humor like the last couple have been... it's just me venting to myself about shit that's on my mind. So turn back now if that's not what you signed up for.

I have never felt so unappreciated in my entire life than I did today. I don't have the greatest relationship with my mom, but I thought she would at least... I don't know, give a shit some time. I leave for NY on Saturday, as I've said a million times, and the whole time I figured, my mom makes her own hours, she'll be more than willing to drive me to the airport. Well, I was wrong... she said it would be a miss-use of her time to do me the favor, and instead gave me a coupon for an airport shuttle service. Really mom? I'm not going to pay $25 to be jammed into a van with a bunch of strangers for an hour. You can't hug the shuttle driver goodbye at the terminal... I mean that's what moms are for, right?

On top of my mom neglect issues, I posted on facebook yesterday and today that I had only a small number of days left to see any friends in town for a while and that now would be a good time to hang out. ONE person sent me a message asking if I wanted to go to the beach today and then he would bring me back to his house and drop me at the airport on Saturday. Dude, do I look like a 4 day booty call to you? Fuck that, asshole, you're getting deleted as soon as I finish typing this fucking sentence.

It sucks feeling like no one really cares that I'm going anywhere... I know a few of you do care, but I thought I had more friends than that.

I need this trip... dozens of friends from back home have told me in the past week how excited they are to see me, at least I know who my real friends always were.

le sigh.

No Hard Feelings.

Since I'm bookin' it for a while I wanted to rid myself of a guilty conscious and let a few people know I don't really hate them. It's hard to man up something, but it's better to be the bigger woMan and be the one who says it first.

To the girl in the picture with my ex that I had a nervous breakdown about... I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you, you have awesome tats, and you seem like a fun chick. No hard feelings, aye chica?

To the people I worked with over at DSG... as much as I don't want to say it, because it's not entirely true... no hard feelings. I do dislike a majority of you because you're disrespectful and rude, however I will forgive you eventually, and so consider this a future peace offering.

To all the guys I've ever pursued in Daytona who have either turned me down or totally dissed me... even though that was probably a mistake on your part, I'm not holding it against you. Had I been with you I probably wouldn't be going where I am now, so it's cool bro. Oh and I take back what I said about wishing the herp upon you... lo siento. No hard feelings?

And finally, to the Dirty D itself... Daytona Beach. You smell of fried chicken and burnt rubber, stale beer and shitty weed, delicious burritos and low tide... I had maybe one solid enjoyable year here, other wise you were just one really shitty stepping stone. I hope when I return to FL, you have improved a little bit because hey, I'm a dreamer, but I'm also going to gtfo and move to a nicer town upon arrival. All in all, your beaches are pretty sometimes, and I can always find a hot guy to stare at at some point during the day, so we're cool for now. No hard feelings, aight dirt? Good.

I have a long 2 or 3 part blog coming up tomorrow and the next day about how to find that summer fling you horn dogs are looking for. I only say that because I still have people googling Jenna Marbles naked and finding this shit. Sorry to dissapoint, by the way... no hard feelings?

;) £

The Great Pretender

I like to mix it up a bit sometimes, by pretending to be a VIP when I'm in public places. It makes people wonder if you're someone special as you strut past them in the mall, and it keeps every on their toes. If people think you're important, they will treat you like royalty. Now, some of this stuff may be considered fraud, but technically it isn't... sometimes you have to fool a bitch to get treated with respect these days. We'll just call it, cheating the system. Ha.

Step one to looking like you're the big man (or woman, duh) on campus, is big sunglasses. Make sure they aren't so dark that you have to take them off inside too... a person wearing sunglasses inside translates to not wanting people to see their face. Maybe I dont want my crazy fan to recognize me, or maybe I just want people to think i even have crazy fans. The truth? I want attention to be drawn to me.

Next up, get a cute hat... sports hats are ok, if they're not the cheap kind. Go for a plain trendy cap, or a cute woven number. This is all really just to hide more of your face, so people think you don't want them to know who you are. It works too, trust me.

What you wear clothing wise doesn't matter all too much. I usually go with yoga pants and a fitted t-shirt, keep it simple. Dress too loud and it defeats the purpose of trying to look "undercover".

Finally, if people do actually ask you who you are, or what you do... tell the truth. --Kind of. Just yesterday on my way to pick up my stuff from my ex's house, I stopped at the mall to grab a quick something, and I dropped in Victoria's Secret to see what was new. The sales GUY (i know, creepy right?) approached me and started his sales pitch. I put one finger up and said, as elegantly as possible, "I'm not interested in what you have to say, if I need to know something I will figure it out myself."

Sure, kind of rude, but I also looked down, or away from him the whole time. He of course fell into the trap I set and said, "Oh, I apologize, is there anything I can get you?" I shook my head and waved him away. I didn't really knew what he though just went on but I was sure he was either confused, or convinced I was a person of note. I grabbed what I needed and went up to the register to pay, and here's a huge detail... PAY IN CASH, so that they don't see your name. Adding more to the mystery of it all, ya know?

As I was leaving he approached me and asked, "What is it you do again?" Classic sales person. Ugh, I hate being in sales. I said, "I didn't tell you the first time, but if you must know, I'm a writer." (not totally untrue-- I mean I'm writing this right now. How does he know I mean a crappy little blog and not a cool magazine?)

See how open ended that was? I had people calling me Ma'am, and Miss, and asking me if I needed things! My favorite place to play this role is in an airport, because there are so many people looking for someone famous, that you can convince them you're anyone. It's really fun... try it!

I took a quick and dirty picture of my "anti-paparazzi" get up just to give you an idea.

I get by with a little help from my friends...

The few people who I actually feel connected to have really helped me survive this past week, and i'd like to thank them for being great.

Last night was especially calming. I stayed up all night having great conversation, and thinking about the future rather than the past, which is probably what I really needed. I stayed up until the sun was up, then slept for 3 hours.

After that I realized it was finally time to close a chapter in my life, so I drove up to the ex's house and got my remaining belongings. It was probably easier that he wasn't there, if he was I might've decked him. I'm just pumped that i have my jacket back... I'm wearing it already haha. One thing i'm not pumped about is how he's trying to shove our break up in my face. It's really insensitive and immature... I thought maybe he'd be above that but apparently not.
My jacket:


I'm really looking forward to reuniting with some of my friends. I feel like there's unfinished business, and so much time we have to make up for. I can't wait to see what the summer has in store for me. Ahh.

I'm incredibly exhausted, and I think i'm going to curl up with my dogs and take a nap. Thought's won't string together easily which is probably why this blog sounds like it's on crack.

I should probably also start packing soon... this week is going to go by quickly, and i only say that because today feels like it's been 15 minutes long, and it's already 3:30.

So cheers... to new beginnings, old friends, and new ones :)

<3

I Hate Twitter.

Twitter is stupid, and I hate it.

I had a bunch of supporting statements and facts and shit but fuck that, this is a blog not a term paper. I have a twitter, I don't use it. I'm not a twit.

Don't follow me, don't tell me where I can buy good cheese. I friggin' hate cheese, unless it's on pizza. Or tacos. Also, don't hash tag my fucking facebook news feed up. Shit doesn't work on facebook. You just look stupid now. Dumbass.

Do you use twitter? Oh, wait I don't care. If you follow more people than are following you? Then you're a stalker, congratulations. When the day comes that someone shows up on your doorstep that you don't want there, you can't say shit because you're the stupid dick who told them you were there.

I'm in a really bad mood, and I want to punch the shit out of something, or people right now... but since I can't make that happen I'm going to take out my hatred on twitter. I'm not sorry, I take no prisoners... fuck you twitter and your asshole tweets. I will now forever hate birds too, so thanks a lot for ruining my love for all animals who aren't creepy and crawly.

FUCK fuckity fuck ball shit ass. *sigh* ... I need a hug.


:(

Putting it ALL out there.

I don't really emit too many details on here. There's only a couple people who I know on a personal level that read this, so I'm not worried if some guy across the world doesn't give a rat's ass if I cry or not. It's healthy to have a place where you can just lay it all down and get it off your chest. Now is an especially good time to have a blog, for me anyways, as I am going through an emotional roller coaster. I know, I know... that's what life is. But this is different.

I am a wreck. Physically and emotionally so, and more now than ever before. I'm not just going to blame one person for this breakdown, but he has a lot to do with it. Mind games, and reverse psychology are two things that you should never use to hurt someone, especially if you're not willing to be responsible for what it may lead to.

Sure, you're probably thinking I'm talking about my most recent ex... but you're not entirely correct. I don't wish anything negative upon him, he's had a tough life and he needs a break, even if he doesn't realize how much of an asshole he is most of the time.

In this case I'm talking about someone who ruined my life when I was 16. I was thinking about posting his full name, so whoever read this could find him, and harass him... but that would be too easy. He deserves far worse than that, and I have waited too long to go to any authority about it... I only have 5 words to say. I'm a Law Abiding Citizen.


Lighter note: I had a wonderful time last night and this morning/afternoon. I really needed to just let go, get drunk and bullshit with great friends. Unexpected feelings ftw. Only problem is, after I finish my workout I'm going to pass the fuck out and probably sleep until wednesday.

*snores*


I also wanted to say, there's a blog I've been reading since I started this one, and it is probably my favorite blog ever. This girl is so much like me, and I feel like she understands everything I feel, completely. I urge everyone to read her blog, and join her as she goes on An Exploration of Heartache .

I will never have "Normal"

Men are jealous creatures by nature. Some more than others, but they all posses that quality... and it's because if this that I will never have a normal relationship ever again.

My friend's are predominantly males, don't ask me why but ever since I've moved to Florida, girls just seem to not like me. No worries, I'm not looking to replace the female friends I do have anyway. The problem with this though, is that being a girl I'm kind of oblivious to my guys friend's intentions. I thought I had it made, a whole bunch of guys who were cool enough to be my friend and nothing more. Nope. Turns out I'm just an idiot.

90% of the guys I'm friends with want something more out of it now that I'm single, and that fucking sucks. It makes me wonder why they stuck around for so long in the first place... was it because they were genuinely my friend, or did they just want a swig of this milkshake? Mainly, it's been the latter. So thanks ass monkeys, for everything.

Back to the jealousy issue... because I was oblivious while in a relationship and having all male friends, I had no idea why my ex hated them all. Now I get it... guys know all too well what having a female friend is like. If you're a guy and you have a female friend, most likely you want to get in her pants. Fuck you. The rest of you are genuine friends who don't want anything but to be there for you, so you guys all get some brownie points. You know who you are. Having just found out recently how my guy friends saw me is kind of upsetting, especially since I'm moving in 9 days and none of my friend's from high school down here want to hang out unless they're getting lucky.

I'm ok with that now... I won't expect anything else from those dicks. One thing that pisses me the fuck off though, is how much respect they DON'T have for me, and just realizing it now. Don't know what i'm talking about? Let me elaborate...

Every fight I've ever had was caused by one or more of my guy friend's being a retard. Once one of my "friends" who very well knew i was in a relationship, picture messaged me some pictures of his tiny little "mini-me." Ummm no thanks buddy... oh but i appreciate the shouting match that got me into, and having to explain that you sent those to me, and I didn't ask for them. You're a real winner.

To the kid who sent my ex a facebook message saying you hooked up with me, what the fuck were you thinking? I wouldn't touch your ass with a 50 foot pole! Where the hell did you get the balls to think of a fucking retarded ass plan like that? Did you really think getting my bf to fight with me would make me run to you? Seriously?

To the stupid man bitch who stole my phone while I was drunk at a party, dialed my bf, and hid the phone in the room... you better have a goddamn death wish. Who the hells pulls a pussy ass move like that? What are you 9?

And to the hand full of other random guy "friends" who would repeatedly drunk dial or drunk text me at all hours of the night professing their love for me, or their desire to be in my pants... fuck you too. You suck giant hairy donkey balls.

For as long as I have male friends, I will now expect stupid shit like this to happen to me, therefore I am coming to live with the fact that I will never again have a normal relationship. Any dudes out there want to just settle down and be my wingman, and occasional bed-buddy? I would be the girl who got married for the benefits... ha.

Side note: I'm pumped for May 14th... I love flying, I love the airport experience... don't ask me why. It might correlate to how important people think you are when you're a young girl, flying alone, with a cool backpack, a huge suitcase, and some sick ass sunglasses. Did I mention the time I got asked for my autograph in the Delta terminal at JFK airport? Idk who the bitch thought I was, but I literally wrote "My Name <3" In cursive on an envelope, and posed for a picture.

Epic Weekend Adventure

This week as a whole has sucked giant donkey balls. I have a migraine today that makes me want to slam my face into a mountain. I find out my ex is "chillin" with a 19 year old girl he works with. I miss the FL state yoyo contest. I get random spurts of depression, and finally I still don't have a tan.

Boo fucking hoo.

No... really, I'm in tears over it all. Shut up.

Anyway, this weekend, all is going to be well again. The icing on the cake is Osama bin Laden's death (hoorah!).

Friday night or Saturday morning, don't know which yet, Mr. GingerBrad himself is coming to my rescue. Him and his friend Shaun are coming to pick me up, and bring me down to their neck of the woods, where we will all partake in some binge drinking and video game playing. This is much needed, indeed... and well overdue. This should have happened like 6 times already but instead, the world is full of fuckasses, so it's happening the weekend before I leave.

Also, a really good friend of mine from high school contacted me via facebook this past week. He lives down were Brad lives and he flies the flight support for shuttle launches. How cool is that? Anyway he offered to take me flying before I leave, I just hope that happens. It'll be nice to see him, I think it's been 7 years since he graduated a year before me. He was my CO in ROTC so it'll be nice to hang out normally, rather than have him giving me orders lol.

I plan on documenting my weekend, probably starting with cinco de drinko this thursday. Idk what I'm going to do yet, but I doubt it will top last years happenings. (I went skinny dipping with 9 of my buddies at 4am in a gross river)

Now I shall leave you all to marvel at my new favorite picture... I'm so vain sometimes.

Self-Diagnosis

I don't know why I haven't thought of it before, but now it makes so much sense.

I have some sort of anxiety disorder. It's not my emotions, it's got to be a chemical imbalance... though they do say that crazy people don't know they're crazy. (right?)

Here's something that happened yesterday; My next door neighbor is an old woman who recently had hip surgery. For the past few weeks my mom has been getting her mail for her, and bringing it in her house. Yesterday she asked me to do it and for some reason, I panicked. I went outside, got our mail, and then started walking towards my neighbor's mailbox and instead i froze. I just stood there, about 50 feet from her door. For some reason I could not bring myself to walk up to her door, open it, say hello, and hand her the mail. Instead, I put the mail back in the mailbox, and went inside my house. My mom asked me if i got her mail and I told her that she didn't have any. WTF. I knew the whole time there was mail, and all I had to do was drop it off, but I got so anxious and nervous that I couldn't do it.

I just don't understand some of the strange things I do... and I want a professional opinion on the matter, but i DO NOT want anyone to tell me that taking some sort of drug will make it better. Fuck no. I don't take pills, and i will not take pills. I've seen too many people die from things they were prescribed. (not from abusing them either.)

Whatever is going on in my brain right now is not good, and it's being triggered by something other than my environment. I've always been a strong person, and able to deal with small setbacks and ignortant assholes, but now I find myself stuck in my room crying about dumb shit, and not eating. Hmm.