I didn't feel like typing today...

So here is my blog, with added visual aids.



Gracias amigos.

I'm cursed?

Some creepy ass shit has been happening to me lately... it being creepy may all be in my head but it all lines up.

For some strange reason, it seems like SOMETHING is trying to keep me from leaving my house. I thought I was just having a bad string of luck, but looking at it all lined up is really bugging me.

I'm going to list off an order of events and hopefully it will help you all understand what I mean.

-I get everything set for my trip up north, then suddenly my grandmother decided to fly down here, leaving me with no place to stay.

-We get my accommodations all figured out and then 2 nights before I fly up north, everything gets pushed back by 2 weeks.

-With the whole weekend free, I make plans to spend it down at the FL state yoyo contest with my good friends for 2 days instead of just the contest day BUT my new ride plans didn't pan out so now I'm not going at all.

- Not only will I miss the yoyo contest but just yesterday, a guy I went to HS with and who was my commanding officer in ROTC tells me he lives in the same town as the yoyo contest and he wants to take me flying, but now I'm probably not going to see him again until after I return from my NY trip IF i even get to go, because NOW...

- I got a summons for jury duty in the mail today for the day after I'm supposed to leave for NY again.

I think now is a proper time to whip out a good old FUCK MY LIFE.

Should I be scared here? Or freaked out by all this crap? Is fate trying to tell me, "hey don't go anywhere outside of your town because if you do, a planet is going to fall on your head,"? -- or is it more of a "hey, don't go anywhere because fate has decided that a planet IS going to fall on your head..."

All I know is I'm going crazy. Something positive better happen soon, or I swear I'm going to lash out violently... or maybe that's what's supposed to happen?

I probably shouldn't be questioning any of this. Maybe fate didn't think i was smart enough to realize any of this. Did I just break the matrix?

I think I'm going to go hide in my closet now.

Jammin'

We all do it... late night solo jam sessions.

Right now, I'm coming down off a drunken evening listening to old hip hop songs and weird new electronica songs, dancing in bed and feeling awesome.

I'm going to share some favorites... enjoy.









Jam on minions!!

BAMF.

Well, I made a decision about what I'm doing. I really thought about it, and after talking to my family who was visiting this week, I realized that so many people up north really want to see me. It made me feel good about going up there, even if it isn't going to be everything I thought it would be.

It was hard, don't get me wrong, because as much as I say I disliked my ex, I still love him. It's going to be hard to be so far away from someone I was comfortable enough with to marry at one point. (kinda glad that didn't happen though, it probably wouldn't have ended well)

The ex-Boy:

Anyways, I still don't have a certain place to stay for the first week or two of my trip but I listed some random shit on craigslist, old cameras, old gaming shit-- if i sell any of it I'll get a hotel for the whole 2 weeks, otherwise I'm going to get a room for just a week.

On a fun note, my family and I went out to dinner last night at the restaurant that my brother works for, and we got a shit ton of food. It's one of those new-age places that has all this weird crap but it was damn delicious. About 3/4 of the way through our meal, a table of 3 young hot guys came and sat adjacent to our party and I noticed them each turn around to look at me... I imagine it did look quite odd, 4 older adults and then me. Though my aunt is a pretty good looking skinny blonde lady who resembles Cameron Diaz, so they could have been checking out the back of her head, but I doubt it because I totally made eye contact. --Either way, I decided I was going to try and milk some sort of response out of them by walking past them to the bathroom.

I walked by and watched them watch me through the corner of my eye. On my way back out I caught my dad's eye, so I motioned for him to watch what I was about to do. He got a kick out of it, and told everyone else to inconspicuously watch me. As I walked past the table of smokebro's I brushed my butt against the first one I saw, turned around and played the "oops game".

"Ohh my gosh, I'm sorry, excuse me!"

"Oh it's not a problem at all!" He then stood up and moved his chair so i could get by easier.

Thinking i'd have fun with it I said, "Oh, so are you trying to say I'm fat?"

"What?! No!! Not at all! You have a wonderful body, and a great a-- uh... you have a wonderful body..." I had to try really hard not to crack up, and i pulled it off, and then I said, "Easy kiddo, don't get too excited, you might need a cold shower!" And then I winked at him and his friends, and sat back at my table.

His friends were all laughing at him and mocking his choice of words and he just stared at me wide-eyed like I mind fucked the shit out of him. It was great.

When I got back to my table my aunt, who's married, asked me how the hell I could do that, and she wanted me to teach her. Ahhh I'm a bad ass mofo.




...told ya.

Second Guessing

Once again, I sit here in my room second guessing myself. I'm probably the worst decision maker of all time... give me a couple options and I'm the one likely to say "I don't care, you choose." (when in reality I really do care, but i don't want to disappoint anyone else.)

Things about my trip keep changing and right now the only positive thing I can see about it would be seeing all of my friends. Sure, getting paid to do easy work is cool and all, but now I'm being told that I'll only be working 3 days a week... umm I signed up to be swamped with both work and money, bro. Also, the car I went out of my way to title and register, isn't even going to be used now, instead the car I have to drive is one that I am physically unable to drive. (it's a manual-- i hate manuals)

Oh, also to make things even fucking better, my grandma, who I was supposed to be staying with for the first few weeks, is now down here in FL and I have no way of getting into her house... shoot me now.

I'm beginning to think that these are all signs that I should stay down here and suck it up. I really want my time up north to be mindless, enjoyable, and not stressful... but it doesn't look like that will be happening.

I'm just so frustrated with everything in my life right now. I hate being back at my house, I want to be up north but not if it's going to be tossed upside down from what it should've been. I'm just over it all.

Now would be a good time to say Fuck My Life, would it not?

That's an Earful.

I may or may not have mentioned how I went swimming in my pool the other day-- I sometimes confuse my facebook statuses with my blog posts even though I do what I can to keep 99% of my facebook friends from even knowing I have a blog.

Anyway, like i was saying, I went swimming the other day. I have ear problems, hearing problems... all of it. I need to use those waxy ear plugs if I want to swim because any water that gets in my ears means instant infection and it also doesn't drain, so considerably more deafness. Well, I found an old pack of neon orange wax ear lugs and decided those would be fine for a few laps, since I couldn't find my brand new package or clear ones. Ehhh mistake. I didn't remember until after exiting the pool that the orange ones were children's size, and considerably older (try 10 years at least) than my adult sized ones. Not as pliable and easy to fit in my ears.

Boy oh boy am I regretting that today-- I definitely got water in my ear. Luckily it's in the ear that I'm already deaf in, but it still hurts like hell. I feel like there's a pulsating grape sized piece of lava in my ear canal who's only mission is to destroy me. Horrible headaches, dizziness and random hot flashes. Awesome.

Soo thrilled that I'm going to have ear pain while I'm flying this weekend... because my ears don't suffer enough during flight as it is. I lied, they do.

I'm still laying in bed watching Ugly Betty. I'm mid-way through season 3, of 4... I forgot how much I loved this show. I'm getting a lot more out of it watching it all in a row, rather than once a week like when I was still on the air. I feel like I'm understanding more of the conflicts, and the amazing gay jokes lol. I just hope that when I finish all the episodes, I don't go into a state of depression and withdrawl.

Wait a minute... I'm already in a state of depression and withdrawl. I can't fall asleep at night and I know it's because I haven't slept alone in a bed in over 2 years. My pillows feel cold and lifeless, unlike the warm chest of a guy... it's so much easier to sleep when it feels like you're being protected from the boogeyman and ghosts. Though, I think he was just as weary of ghosts as I was. It just sucks. Coping with going from constant interaction and contact, to straight being alone all day and night with no one to really sit down and talk to, face to face.

I feel like such a debbie-downer right now, but get the fuck over it. My blog, my rules. =0P Grr.

I'm going to start packing tomorrow morning I think... I've been putting it off because I need to get my $165 North Face jacket from the ex, and I know that will lead to some tears. Hopefully I can hold in the emotion, get my jacket, and just say adios. That'd be nice.

Until tomorrow...


£@u®3n

Zombie Jesus Day

Easter hasn't really been a big part of my life since I was about 12... which is when I stopped going to Sunday school and church and all that crap. I didn't even make it to 8th grade so I could make my confirmation and have a huge party like all the cool girls did. Luckily my parents thought ahead and gave me a very Catholic middle name, just to put my grandparents at ease.

I think even as a little kid I knew something was up with santa, and the easter bunny. Shady little assholes that break into your house to give you shit didn't seem holiday worthy, it just seemed like something I wanted to happen more often. I kept quiet and savored my peeps and jelly beans up until about 6th grade.

Right at the beginning of lent, I remember I was getting ready to go to CCD (think sunday school, but it was on Saturdays for some reason) and I was getting out of the shower, and walking to my room when this terrible smell filled my nose. I can't even describe it, but as soon as I tell you what it was, you will all know exactly what I mean. My dog had shit ALL OVER MY ROOM.

My little brother probably fed her candy or something, i don't know, but it was everywhere. As my mom was tending to the disaster, I noticed this weird square object on my floor that was swimming in dog poop... I didn't know what clothing I had that was square (and ipods weren't invented yet) so I grabbed it in a bag and washed it off. It was my school issued Bible. Fuck.

I was not about to bring a soaking wet, brown stained bible to CCD with me so I just threw it out, no harm no foul right? Ugh, here's where I realized that I needed a lifestyle change...

I get to CCD, my mom lets us out of the car and my brother and I went to our designated classrooms with all the other kids. I sit down, and look around and see all the other 6th graders have their bibles, and I'm sitting there with just a pencil. It felt like an eternity went by, but the teacher arrive and seemed to immediately notice my missing book. The conversation went as follows;

"Lauren, where is your Holy Bible?"

"This is going to sound like I'm lying, but my dog pooped on it."

*classroom erupts in laughter*

"Lauren, tell the truth, if you lie you will go to hell."

"I'm not lying, you can call my mom if you want to."

"I don't have time to call your mom, and I know that your dog did not defecate on your Bible."

"How can you say that it didn't happen when I know for a fact that it did?"

"God told me just now that he doesn't appreciate liars, Lauren"

"Really? Well it's good that he finally let you know how he really feels about you!"

The "teacher" stood there with his jaw dropped, and I picked up my pencil and left the room. I made it to the office to call my mom and tell her what happened, so she came early and pick my brother and I up. Once in the car, I told her how I thought church and ccd were a huge waste of time, and that I knew santa and the easter bunny weren't real, and I knew that because of my teacher that day.

He said that if you lie you go to hell-- well it seems like telling little kids across the world that there was such things as santa, and the easter bunny would make it so that everyone was going to hell for lying anyway. My mom laughed and said, "You know what Lauren, you're right-- I never thought about that."

I never went to church or ccd again after that. I still got easter baskets for a few more years, except this time they said "love mom & dad" on them... as have all my Christmas presents.

I don't mean to start a religious debate, so just take my opinion and run with it-- I think you will lead a much less disappointing life, and waste a lot less time in life if you just leave religion out of it.

Happy Holidays, assholes. <3 <3

:)

The Home Stretch!

I'm getting super excited... tomorrow marks a week until I will be back in the town I grew up in, working with my best friend.

Procrastination should be my middle name when it comes to everything. I've said many times before that I was going to make all these lists of things to do before I left to make sure I have everything I needs. I haven't even started a list yet!

(In either case, I'm sure the week will drag on forever anyway.)

In the past few days, my mom has been dropping little hints that she can't wait for me to go, AND that she wishes i'd stay gone longer. I wouldn't say this if I didn't have significant proof either, she literally said she thinks I should stay there for longer! Thanks mommy dearest, I'll miss you too.

I need an opinion on something-- If i were to also film a daily or every other day vlog while I was up there, would anyone watch it? I won't waste my time if no one says anything. It's not a big deal, and it's more work for me but I'm willing to try and not be lazy for once in my life.

Last but not least, sorry for the lack of content in this post-- gotta break up the awesomeness every so often-- don't want to spoil you. ;)

What I REALLY Learned in School.

I am soo glad that I wasted, what… over half of my life in school? Tens of thousands of dollars? Yeah… thanks America. Do you know what I remember learning from High School teachers? I remember: “Donde esta mis pantelones?” –and I don’t even know if I conjugated the fucking verb correctly.

Do you know what I remember learning from everyone else in school? EVERY-FUCKING-THING.

Here is a list of things that I learned in school and paid thousands of dollars for:
- Always find out if your parent’s cars have lo-jack before sneaking out.
- Other parents tell each other everything they hear you say.
- He is NOT your soul mate and you are NOT in love with him. Maybe...
- The varsity dugout during baseball season is not a good place to "sexually experiment".
- The school showers are closed off for a reason.
- Don’t ever admit who you really have a crush on.
- Special brownies are probably not for track meets.
- Dating the cool kids doesn’t help your case at all.
- If you’re 14 and you have big boobs, you’re a whore.
- You will be queen for a week if you’re the first person in the school with a cell phone that has a color screen.
- Cameras are only good for later use in court.
- The hot substitute DOES think that 6 years is a big age difference.
- It is possible to have sex with your bedroom door open and the whole family in the living room.
- Your mom can tell when you’re pretending to be asleep.
- Your teachers remember how many times the same uncle dies.
- You can still pass all your classes with A’s without doing any homework.
- State exams are over-hyped.
- Prom is never as fun as it looks on tv.

And then, there is college...

- College is only fun if you go away from home.
- Beer before liquor.
- Always keep a list of the randoms… just in case.
- If he looks familiar, and the name sounds familiar, he’s probably seen you naked,
- You don’t actually have to buy the books.
- Playing poker with Tim Tebow is almost as good as fucking him.
- Addy’s are the number one form of currency.
- If your professor ever winks at you, you’re exempt from any and all work.
- Relationships with guys from rival schools never work.
- Write your thesis on something that old people know nothing about and you will come out on top.
- If you get the chance to study abroad, don’t turn it down to be a radio dj.
- Hook up with all your guy friends just to “get it out of the way.”
- WATER PROOF EYE MAKEUP.
- Cameras go everywhere with you so that you can trace your steps backwards when you wake up somewhere unfamiliar.
- Doing The Chomp at any restaurant in town usually gets you a free round.
- Your first lesbian experience is always the best.
- Hormel meals are the new Ramen.
- Buy alarm clock backups.
- It’s ok to be a slut… because so is everyone else.
- Label your mom by her first name in your contacts so that drunk you thinks it’s a random girl and not the person you want to drunk dial or text.
- Majoring in what you love will NOT get you a job. Ever.
- If you always wanted to be a dancer when you were little, now you will get that chance… but this is no ballet, sugar.
- Keep a blog so you can go back in 6 years and laugh at all the fucking retarded shit you did and got away with.


So thanks anonymous state school, and thanks Brewster HS… glad you taught me so much because I don’t know where I’d be without you. Actually, I’d probably have found a decent job, and saved some money so I could live comfortably, instead of having to dance my way through college, and get turned away from a million and one jobs for being “over qualified”.

Things I Do Differently in Public...

Everyone censors themselves in front of others, it's a fact. Some people more than others, but hey that's life. There is one place where I am completely myself though, besides when I'm alone in my room watching Ugly Betty on Netflix. (true story)

That place, is here. This shit is all me babes... maybe I switch some "fuck's" to "friggin's" to change it up every once in a while, but that's how I talk so no worries bro. The only thing you won't find here is a full description of... i don't know, I kind of put it all out there. Who the hell are you to judge anyway? Think I give a shit? Because I don't.

In public I try to stay as true to myself as possible, but I also try to be as unoffensive and polite that I can without seeming fake. It's a tough task but someone has to do it... and it might as well be me.



In a public restroom I get in, get out, get on with my life. It's a scary little room to be in, especially with strangers. I always go for the farthest stall from the door, I don't touch anything, and if there's someone else washing their hands I lather that shit up like i'm in the damn O.R. getting ready for surgery.

Now, in a more relaxed setting I take my time... perhaps lock myself in the bathroom and paint my nails, play with my hair... whatever. I mess with everything, I look through the cabinets, the linen closet, the magazine basket. Pretty much I put my hands on everything. Then no matter what I'm doing in the bathroom, even if I go in to wash my hands, I always wash them again right before I leave. Because I'm fucking retarded.




If I happen to be eating in a public setting, even if I'm with familiar faces, I eat as quietly and cleanly as possible. I don't, however order a salad... fuck that. You can still be a lady and eat chicken wings.

At home, or in the safety of a friend's house, eating is more like maiming an innocent victim, and that victim is a fucking sandwich. Huge mouthfulls, chewing like a cow... whatever dude, food is delicious and I want a lot of it.





The last thing I try to do in public is mind my mother. She is one of those moms. Always talking about me, even if I'm in the room... always trying to belittle and embarrass me. In front of other people, I ignore here... I don't like drama or causing scenes, so all I can do is roll my eyes and hold it in until I can come home and scream fuck as loud as I can.

Actually... even at home I don't start shit. I can't argue with people because I tend do do some major damage. The last person I legitimately argued with in public actually moved out of state. (Not saying it was because of me, but it probably was.)

Kicked out of my own bed...

For the past few weeks leading up to my departure from this horrific state, I've been sleeping on a couch in my guest bedroom. In the beginning, I pulled the bed out and was comfortable and whatever, but shit got old quick so I made up the bed to make floor space in the room so I can do my workout before bed.

The couch isn't uncomfortable, but it's no tempurpedic... I don't take off the back rest cushion things so its a little narrow, but I'm lazy and don't want to have to put that shit back together every friggin' morning. Well, usually I wake up feeling nice and rested but lately that hasn't be the case.

For some ungodly reason, when my mom wakes up and the dogs wake up with her, she opens. my. door. Nooo no no... what the fuck are you thinking woman?!

OK, so she opens my door a little after 7:30 am, and almost immediately, in come the hounds. These dogs feel the need to be on top of someone, or spooning someone at all times, so they barrel into my room and dive onto my... couch.

Let me illustrate the storyboard from here:

Me, sleeping like normal-- easy, not stressful... pretty comfortable and relaxed.



Me sleeping after 7:30am-- smooshed over to the edge of the fucking couch, and my damn dogs owning that shit like I'm not even there.



You catch my drift? So pardon fucking me if I'm not the happiest camper in the morning. The hours between 7:30 and 10:30 are a full on territory battle and I always fucking lose. Ugh.

Dreams are too damn much.

I had a dream last night that was so realistic that it scared me. The kicker though was yes it was wicked realistic, but i still knew I was dreaming... like a double mind fuck.

I can't tell you what the first part of the dream was about completely, not because it's inappropriate but because i don't really remember the details. Trust me, if I had a kick ass sex dream, you all would be the first to know. The main shit I do remember was that I was racing people on this huge ass fucking obstacle course that was semi-evil feeling. I had my dogs with me only they were giant sized, and also the person we were all running from was that crazy bitch from Glee who plays the cheer-leading coach. (not that i expect any of you to watch that show... think the blonde manager lady from 40 year old virgin.)

This is where the thing gets hazy... I remember being in a big weird house but I don't remember what we were doing. I can't really recall who all I was with either, but I remember during the dream that I definitely knew everyone who was there, and it was a large group of people. Some how, from that creepy fuckin' house, we ended up getting on a roller coaster, and I'm not a huge fan. I literally started to panic in my head. I remember thinking to myself, "Fuck Lauren, I hate roller coasters, why the fuck would you dream about a crazy ass roller coaster?"

Then... the ride started. (dun dun dunnnnnn) I seriously felt every single movement from that fucking ride. I could feel the wind in my face, that shitty motion sickness feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I could feel the centripetal force holding me down. Fucking nuts! er-- nucking futs?

For some reason, my cruel friends in my dream made me ride 3 different types of roller coasters, and at the end of the last one I was supposed to marry someone, but I totally can't remember who it was... sorry bro!

What the fuck, right? Like was that dream slightly gay, retarded and horrifying all at once? Yeah-- if my dog hadn't barked in my face to wake me up right after those rides, I don't know where else that story could've gone. It's not like I was on anything, either... my regular mind thought that shit up.

Kinda makes you think, "I'll have what she's having!"


p.s. happy 420 to all you fucking pot heads.

I have some weird hobbies...

I was creepin' through my own facebook, looking at my pictures because I was getting excited for New York. Like... stoked, you have no idea. A lot of the people I'll be seeing up there, I haven't seen since I moved down to America's Penis. (aka Florida)

Looking through all my photos brought back so many memories of things I used to do, so I thought nwo would be a good time to post a bunch of pictures highlighting the things that I like to do the most now... kind of a "Get to know this crazy bitch" type post.

So, take it or leave it, here I am:



I like to dress up as cracked out celebrities... here was my infamous Kesha look from Halloween.



I love guns... shooting them, looking at them. Whatever... just be afraid.




I like punching hard objects that can break your knuckles... ok, just kidding...




I can own your ass at 9 Ball.



I YOYO!!!! Yes... you heard me. Right Brad?




I like to jump out of perfectly good planes...



I like to ride seahorses.



I love my weenies :)


Alright, that's enough for now. I don't need any stalkers or shit like that. You can follow me though... that'd be cool.

Now, I'm going to continue to be a lazy fuck all day. Carry on.

I HATE You Shane Dawson.

I've been making and watching videos on youtube since 2006... that's a lot longer than some of the biggest youtube "stars" today, and frankly a lot of them suck ass.

There is one that I hate more than the rest though... and that is Shane Dawson. He is a fucking douche bag if i've ever seen one. I don't get how people think he is funny or entertaining, let alone Teen Choice Awards worthy. That fucker has won a friggin' award on a kids channel, and 90% of his videos are about bitches, drugs, you name it.

What the fuck, Nickelodeon? Have you ever watched one of his videos? They are fucking vulgar as shit! Like worse than mine! Normally this wouldn't bother me, but this dude's audience is kids, and that pisses me off. Here is his most recent video called "Crazy *Chicks* on Easter"



If you were a parent, would you want your kid watching that shit? I sure as fuck woudn't. Even if my kid was 16, a crack head, and pregnant, I STILL wouldn't let them watch that! I even felt like I wasn't old enough to watch that fucking shit!

Maybe I just don't "get" it but I'm pretty sure I do... dude is just too much for me. I don't want to see him or anyone else suggest bestiality ever, anywhere. Maybe he thinks it's funny, and the other dip shits who are brainwashed by the garbage he pushes get a kick out of it, but his videos just scream, "I'm trying too hard!"

I don't even want to mention that puppet! That thing is supposed to represent a little girl who was sexually abused by her dad? I'm only saying that because when he put a gun to her face she said "Oh this reminds me of that thing my daddy would stick in my mouth when I was 3!"

This dude has to be stopped... freedom of speech my ass, he's taking it too far and he knows it. He has google wrapped around his finger because he's pulling in so much money for them, that they fail to see how fucking gross his shit actually is.

I flagged this video as "repulsive" on youtube list of reasons to flag. I will be SO pissed if they don't do something about this ass bag's content, when back in 2007 they made ME take down a video that was flagged as inappropriate. Know what that video was? It was me, fully clothed, dancing to "Shakin' that ass" while holding up a poster of a donkey. Seriously youtube?

Join me in the "Demolish Shane Dawson" revolution.

p.s. CTFxC FTW.

Fuck you, Ovaries!

I hate being a chick.
I hate being a chick with weird ass morals.

Last night my mom made margaritas with dinner, and let me preface this by saying that I drink maybe twice a month... if at all. I decided last night that I was going to pre-game for this summer by drinking my weight in sugary tequila drinks. Ehhh bad idea. I was wired all night, got up around 2 and went for a run, came home and passed the fuck out.

I woke up this morning to the sound of my phone vibrating to hell, and answered it without looking. Mistake. I had an awkward conversation with someone's pocket. Yep... a pocket dial woke me the fuck up just in time to realize that I was having the worst cramps ever. EVER. Maybe it was mother nature calling me to say "Ha! You bitch, here's some gut wrenching pain!"

To ease the pain i decided to take a shower right away because I refuse to take pain killers. (I don't like medication to begin with, and especially stuff that alters your state consciousness like they do for me.) Probably also a mistake. I'm feeling rather hungover still, at that point and the smell of my shampoo set me off. Uncontrollable vomit. Yes... gross. Anyway, I finish showering and it seems to have had the opposite effect than i was going for... fucking great.

Now I'm curled up in a ball on my "bed" (aka a couch with some blankets on it) and im using my dogs as hot water bottles to soothe myself. Those furry little assholes really do help make you feel better sometimes.

So now I'm hungry as fuck but i probably won't eat today, my fucking ovaries are laughing in my face and simultaneously using me as a punching bag, and last but not least its pretty as shit outside right now and I want to go for a bike ride.

Fuck you, girl parts... fuck you.

Hurts so good!

I think I have a new routine down for night time. I did a little strength training workout that I used to do at track practice in high school. It goes as follows:

25 crunches
50 jumping jacks
25 push ups
25 weird jumpy to push up position things (i forgot the name of it lol)
I did that 5 times, with a minute of rest between each repetition.
I also added some curls with 10lb weights at the end.

I felt really good laying on the floor, beet red, and completely out of breath. I haven't felt that worn out in a long time... falling asleep was really easy after that. I'm SOOO sore today though, but it's the kind of sore that feels awesome which makes it all ok.

I'm going to do that workout every night until I leave for NY, and I hope it has a good effect. Hey, If I'm not going to be tan at all when I go up there, I might as well be in OK shape.


On a totally separate note, one of my best friends just stopped by to say hey, since I hadn't seen him in over a year and he lives almost an hour away now. Something weird happened. We were sitting on the floor in my room playing with the dogs, and out of no where he just grabbed my hand, and held it. I thought he was kidding around so I looked at him with a kind of "uhh...?" look and he just smiled. He held my hand like that for about an hour, before he had to leave to go meet his mom. I walked with him out to the car and he gave me such a sincere hug... much more than a friend hug. It was longer than a friend hug... and tighter too. Then he walked to his car, turned around and said "I really hope I can see you before you leave."

I melted.

As long as he has been my friend, I had never felt that side of him before, but i liked it. I'm kind of speechless... and that doesn't happen too often!

With that I will leave you with a picture from MYSPACE of all places...




That's my "boss" I guess you would say... during his first year of operation. Just a glimpse of what my summer is going to look like. :)

The Good News, and The Bad News...

The Good news is... non-existent. None of the major news networks seem to be reporting anything positive, because apparently the US thrives on negativity.

Even the entertainment news... it's nothing but celebrity bashing and court cases. Such bullshit. Sure, there's a celeb child being born every so often but how is that positive? Oh hey, here's another child who will probably never live a normal life, and who will be exploited to shit before he grows a damn hair on his balls.

I'm personally tired of reading about famous people getting arrested, too. Big freakin' whoop, they're humans too... not everyone makes the best decisions in life so why make it harder for them by repeatedly telling the world of their misadventures? Sure, they're in the spotlight already for being "role models" but I don't think celebrities SHOULD be role models. I don't want any future children of mine growing up hoping to lead an exhausting stalker filled life spotted with hard drugs, groupies, manipulative agents and never knowing who is using them for their money.

CNN has a "story" up right now called "Nicolas Cage arrested on Domestic Abuse Charge" and not only is this so-called story just 2 measly paragraphs with no real information, but how is this even note-worthy? Dude lives his life making action movies, shooting people and shit, so how is he supposed to know how to act normal in a stressful situation? In all seriousness though, he probably didn't even do anything and CNN has the cojones to go and write 4 fucking sentences about how he was married twice before his current wife, and he has a five year old son, and he was in a few movies... OH and he "was arrested in New Orleans early Saturday and faces charges of disturbing the peace and domestic abuse..." Yeah, that tells us a whole lot.

Now How about this poo-basket; CNN's "In Case You Missed It" is the weekly line-up of their 'supposed' Top Stories. This weeks stories go to prove my previous statement, that they either turned everything Negative, or it shouldn't be news at all. I'm not saying that rescuing abandoned animals in Japan isn't news, it is... but I don't think that highlighting such a tragic event every single day does the world any good. How about do some stories about how some of the families are getting their lives back to normal again, instead of focusing on lonely animals in deserted streets? Shit is too depressing to see every day.

CNN isn't the only network who needs a wake up call, MSNBC is guilty too. How about this story about Air Traffic Controllers takings naps? Really? What was the point of this story other than to freak the fuck out of people about flying even more than they already are?

"WASHINGTON — The government is changing air traffic controllers' work schedules most likely to cause fatigue following another incident in which a controller fell asleep while on duty, this time at a radar center in Miami, the Federal Aviation Administration said Saturday.

The latest sleeping incident — the fifth to be disclosed by FAA since late March — occurred early Saturday morning at a busy regional facility that handles high-altitude air traffic, FAA said in a statement.

According to a preliminary review of air traffic tapes, the controller did not miss any calls from aircraft and there was no impact to flight operations, the agency said. The controller, who was working an overnight shift, has been suspended..."

Umm... he fell asleep for a couple minutes, but he didn't miss and flight calls, nor did his cat nap have any effect on flight operations? That's not news worthy... at all. Maybe in the weekly TSA gag newsletter. Fucking stupid that this is front page news. They should have been like "hey, maybe we should give these guys normal work hours since we're obviously wearing them out" and that should have been it. No need to tell the world that these guys are overworked.

OK, now read every single story on the front page of MSNBC.com and tell me they don't put a pit in your stomach. There should be at least 2 days a week where there can only be good, positive things in the news. The only tab on that page that made me instantly happy was the Lifestyles section, and that's because the first story mentioned KFC Double Downs, and a new taco at Taco Bell made out of Doritos... *drools*

I'm not saying we should just give up and only watch TMZ every night instead of whatever shitty station you turn to, but I think the news organizations need to step up their game. Find the real news out there... dig deeper, and don't just settle for whoever paid you the most to have their story settle on the top of your pile of crap.

Mind-Effing Google Searches.

You people are fucking sick.
You're all creepy ass weirdos who search for the most random shit ever, and the best part is that you're not even looking for my blog! You're literally looking for the weird shit you search for, but Google still brings you right to my little shit show I call a blog.

So, in lieu of you weirdos out there, I've decided that I'm going to screw with all of your future Google-searches. I am going to give you exactly what you want. A fucking jumble of random retarded shit, and some pervy ass shots of Jenna Mourey.

Firstly, Here's a little MadLib I did, inspired by you Googlers out there...



(obviously, click it to magnify if your stupid ass eyes can't read it.)

Oh, and also for future reference, here are those previously mentioned Google searched that lead to my blog...



I don't think I can even say anything about the OBVIOUS incestuous porn search. What the fuck man? What the hell kind of creep-tard weirdo ass hat douche nugget searches for mom on son porn?!

Now, I can understand people searching for J. Marbs' ass, but c'mon... chick's on facebook, model mayhem, AND has her own website now... you don't think all her pictures wouldn't be on one of those already?

Props go to whoever actually googled my blog's name... though I'm pretty sure I know who you are haha.


Ok, so now that this shit will forever fucking pop up in google searches for family porn and people's asses, why not have some more fun with it?

Peanut butter on nipples!

Whipped cream undies!

Mangina!

Boobies!

Yoga Pants!

Camel toe monster!! Rawr!!

... see, this shit is too easy. I should have a contest for you like 10 people who read this on the daily .(the rest of the views i'm certain are one-timers who got sucked on by miss-informed google results)

Everyone who reads this, google the funniest phrase you can find in one of my blogs, and see if you can find it. I'm talking like first 3 pages max... any more than that and we're just kidding ourselves... no one clicks past page 3 of google. Is there even a page 4?

Here are some more search-killers for good measure;

Charlie Sheen is a HUGE DICK. (2 in one... like that?)

Lindsay Lohan loves lesbian sluts! (I'm getting good at this!-- double points for alliteration)

BarStool Sports isn't as fun without StoolLaLa! (hey, we were all thinking it...)

Ok, I think I'm done for now... but before I go I want to thank Google for making this whole thing possible. <3 <3


p.s. LADY GAGA NAKED! (lol just kidding)

There are no words...

There are no words descriptive enough to describe the level of insanity that was boiling around in this woman's mind. She was fucking nuts.

Imagine you're running errands with your mom, and as you stop into the Optometrist so she can get a check up, you have a brush with the devil. There I was, minding my own business, sitting in the waiting room chairs twiddling my thumbs when this older women walks through the doors. She says to the girl behind the counter, "I'm here to pick up a pair of glasses." The girl politely tells the woman that she's is checking in a patient (my mom) and that she will help her in a minute.

A couple minutes go by, and I had forgotten about the woman sitting across from me when out of nowhere she says rather loudly, "You know, there are going to be some big changes taking place in this country in a couple of weeks..." I glanced up and saw she was talking to me... directly to me.

"Pretty soon people will no longer need driver's licenses, or insurance, or registration for their cars."

I couldn't tell by the look on her face if she were afraid, or excited so i gave her me honest opinion, "Well, I don't think I want to be around when that happens!"

Oh shit. Fuck. Where can I hide? Her eyes seriously turned red and started to smoke. She stood up and crept towards me and stared me down so that I felt like I was 4 inches tall. "Those things are unconstitutional. We proved it. They are going to be done away with once and for all!" She said with her eyes wider than anyone's I'd ever seen.

I looked over the counter towards the girl and she was looking at me with the fear of god and mouthing "I'm so sorry." I smiled and shook my head to let her know that I could handle the psycho lady.

The woman saw my gesture and moved even closer to me and said, "The change is coming, there is going to be a revolt and we are going to fight for what we deserve!" she exclaimed. The she leaned over to me and whispered, "I just hope you choose the side of the People."

Now, some back information... I hate politics. I think it's stupid that we have to choose one person's ideas over another, instead of combine the good ones and blah blah blah. But one thing I have a strong opinion on are idiots who have no idea what would happen to life in this country, if they were in control... like this women.

"So, do you have a car?" I asked her in a stern 'don't fuck with me right now' voice. She shook her head proudly and immediately I responded "Oh, so once there is no need for insurance, is it cool if i decide to drive my car directly into your car and cause major bodily harm to you?" She looked at me with a puzzled look with her head cocked, like a confused puppy.

"I bet you'd wish there was insurance to pay to fix your broken legs, because I'd like to see you talk someone into helping your crazy ass for free!" I was getting a little heated, and no I was the one standing. "And how about your totaled car? OK so you have money to go get a new one, and I drive by and see it sitting in your driveway... I can go on up, and steal your shit because who the fuck is going to tell me that it doesn't belong to me if it isn't registered?"

The girl behind the counter chimed in quietly, "Ma'am, your glasses with be $347.76."

The woman did nothing... didn't say a word, make a move, or bat an eyelash. It seemed like 10 minutes had gone by of her just staring at me as if she was trying to will my brain to explode.

Finally she stood up, and stormed out of the office. The entire room burst into laughter, myself included. The girl behind the counter told me before we left that that woman is a crazy protester, and has been arrested four times for protesting topless in the middle of the street.

I felt accomplished... still do... that was probably one of the most entertaining things to happen to me this year so far. (This was yesterday afternoon, mind you.)

Anyway, I'm still exploring this new laptop but so far it's actually quite awesome, despite not being to one I really wanted. It's a yummy chocolate brown color and it's quiet as ever, and doesn't get hot at all... all things that are the exact opposite of my old one. Not bad for $Free.99!

Excess Baggage; The Sparkle's Guide to traveling.

What's the difference between 50 lbs and 51 lbs?
Well, depending on which airline you decide to fly, the answer can be either $25 or $50.

That's how much they charge you if your suitcase is over 50 lbs... "Oh but wait Lauren, can't you just use a bunch of smaller suitcases?" HA! You wish! Most airlines make you pay per checked bag, starting at one. In case you were wondering, for my voyage I am flying Southwest which allows 2 free checked bags 50 lbs and under... I'm going to try and keep it at one though. (Southwest is probably the only awesome airline left in the world...)

Aside from all the excitement and anticipation for my trip up north, there are certainly some shitty parts to picking up and leaving, and right about now I'd say I am an expert at it.

First of all, you never know all of what you're going to need on a vacation, but usually they only last maybe a few weeks at most. I am leaving for upwards of a few months and ANYTHING could happen in that amount of time where i could need something that is extremely important, that I didn't bring with me. Here is where the luggage thing fits in... how can you condense everything you need to survive, excluding food and other goods that spoil, into a suitcase that has to weigh a maximum of 50 pounds?

Well, you can't. No matter what, you will forget something that is critical for daily life, but not so much that it was right smack in front of you while packing. Quick examples would be your cell phone charger, or batteries for your camera/electric toothbrush. Silly little things that we don't realize we use every single day. Oh, and you probably won't pack enough underwear because you HAD to pack every single pair of jeans you own in case you have a "fat day".

Let's face it, moving and traveling can suck.

Who the fuck wants to be mushed between a window and the fucking medicine man on a tiny ass tinker toy airplane watching reruns of THE NEWS and eating stale unsalted peanuts? NOT this girl! Another reason Southwest is so fantastic... THEY DON'T ASSIGN SEATS!!!! That's right, they call your boarding group, and when you get on the plane, you can sit wherever you damn hell please. Know what that means? First hot guy I see, and BAM, there's my seat... Mile High Club anyone?


Did you survive the plane ride? Good, you'll need some energy because you are going to be up alllll damn night tossing and turning on a hard hotel mattress with your ugly little head on these crusty old ass pillows. What kind of trip designate you to bring your own pillow? I never know if it's correct traveling etiquette to bring my own pillow or not, and it all depends on where you're staying. Short vacation at a hotel? Leave the face rester at home. Long stay at a friend's house? Maybe don't bring a pillow, but your own pillow case... foreign pillow cases that don't get sterilized like they do in hotels tend to make me sick. Extended stay at multiple destinations? You're probably going to be out of your home element for quite some time, which could be uncomfortable, so make it a little easier and bring your favorite fluffy head jockey with ya.


Aside from stressful plane rides, things you forgot to pack, nasty foreign beds and spending ungodly amounts of money you wouldn't normally spend... traveling or moving to a new place is exciting, liberating and fantastic... most of the time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want to thank the black male version of myself for helping me decide what to write about tonight, Mr. Token Jones of Hobo-Like Thoughts. He also pointed out to me that my post from last night about the friend zone strongly resembled one of his posts from earlier in the year, which you can find right Here. How cool is that? It seems as if I have met the one person in this world who is exactly like me in every way... except for the whole being black and having a penis thing...

Panic at the Sparkle.

This always happens to me... I get this amazing plan for something amazing that I want to do, that will be amazing. --And then I go and panic about it. Don't get me wrong, i am super pumped to go up north and see my old friends, and my extended family a lot of which i haven't seen since I was 17. I can't wait to go hiking in the mountains, and go to an apple orchard, and go camping without fear of being eaten by giant florida monsters.

It's just that as the departure date gets closer and closer, I get all these doubts about whether or not I'm making the right decision. Usually I gauge these panic attacks on other peoples reactions to my plans, and I know i shouldn't do that, but i do. My ex is wayyy less than thrilled about the idea, because he was hoping there'd be a chance that in a couple weeks i'd be ready to try again... but that's not what I want. It just sucks to tell him that. "Oh hey I love you and all, but it's over... forever." Ugh.

I'm also a little weary about my parents. I don't think they agree with my choice to go up there, or they seem to think I'm a joke, and that I have no money and I'm going to cry and want to come home after the first week. No way! I want this! I want to go up there, work my butt off, make my own money, survive on my own, and then come back in due time to say i told you so!

One thing I do want to do before I get up there is have a list of things I want to do while I'm there. nothing too extensive, but just some little goals to reach along the way. Top last years cinco de mayo would be first on that list probably... ha, I can see it now.

I have a lot of list making to do, since i always seem to forget to pack something if i don't make a list also... I think i'm dog sitting towards the end of the week too. Gotta remember that. Want that extra dough in the bank account. That'll be nice for gas.

Of all the lists I'm making, number one priority right now is stop falling back asleep after i go for a run in the morning. I woke up at like 4am last night from a crazy nightmare that I can't even remember anymore, and I stayed away until about 6, so i got up and went for a run, and came back in at 6:30. I then proceeded to pass out on the floor while trying to watch a movie to stay awake, and I slept till noon. For the 4th time in the past 5 days. Fail.

Anyways, this will serve as my personal post for the day, I promise to leave the gooey shit at home and whip out something entertaining later on tonight... until then, happy monday.

p.s. people keep finding my blog by googling "jenna marbles boyfriend" so incase you 18 people still haven't found the answer, YES she has a boyfriend, he appears on her Friday night UStreams, his name is Max, and NO she is not going to dump him for you. Ok? Here's the cute couple:



I hope that helped, you creeps.

In the Zone.

We've all see the movie "Just Friends" with Ryan Reynolds (mmmmm yummy)and we all know what it means to be "in the friend zone." Its a dreaded phrase for both men and women across the globe, because we all know what it means... no nookie.

Recently I have come to the realization that the few guys i am actually interested in romantically have landed me smack dab in the middle of the freaking zone. Please excuse me while i go slit my throat... But in all seriousness, nothing about me screams clinger psycho stalker bitch. Yeah maybe i do have a romantic interest in you, but if you straight up tell me "hey, I dont want a gf," or "hey I like you but i dont want to hurt you," then I'll get the picture, and i'll delete that thought process from my mind. No harm, no foul. However... if i do have a little crush on you, it's probably because you're damn fine, or super sweet... and whether you tell me to back off or not, we all have needs. (And I probably want to bang you...)

Just because i'm in the friend zone doesn't mean you can't call me up at 2am for a quick rendezvous in the woods behind the high school soccer field. I'm totally down to be your booty call, buddy. You're hot, i'm in the mood, if the time is right let's do this. Why the hell wouldn't you be down with this shit?!


Blah blah blah, so you "don't want to complicate our friendship with sex." Umm, if anything, sex will make us better friends, because it will get the anger out! It'll make us feel good!

Had a bad day of classes? Hey, come over here and rip my pants off! Work suck today? Here, let me get that shirt for ya... see what i mean? This is a fucking brilliant idea. If i had a bad day, the first fucking thing that i could think of that would make my day better would be a hot guy smooshing his sweatiness all over me.

At the end of the day, you can go home, or go to the bar and tell all the pretty blonde girls how single you are, and i won't give a fuck, because i'll be doing the exact same thing at the bar across the street! You could even bring home a new girl a night and be the man whore we all know you are, as long as you have an off day and need a good lay, I'm down if you're smart enough to keep clean and play it safe. (Just because I'm DTF doesn't mean I'm also a whore like you are! If you get the herp, it will certainly not be from me.) I won't bitch and moan that you don't call me, my shit is always on silent anyway. "Waaahh I saw you wink at that ginger at the party waaahhhh!" Nope, not from me! I don't even want to kiss you, because you probably suck at it anyway, so no worries broski, we can keep it chill and hey, you can do your trig homework while we're banging. Multi-tasking... bam.

Don't be so quick to put chicks in the friend zone, you don't know what you might be missing! (well, unless they are me, then don't listen, because they probably will end up being crazy ass bitches who will try and ruin your life... because i am one of a kind.)

Think about it, if you un-friend zone me, I could follow you to all the bars in Philly and make you look like a pimp, so you can bring home a hot chick you don't even know! (like i did with this guy...)






Disclaimer: This isn't meant to be taken to heart... I was just having some fun with this post. I am not a whore, or a slut, but I do have a sense of humor, so deal with it. ;)

None of that honey business!

Well i'm pretty pumped.

I'm going up to NY a whole month sooner... May 1st. Yes, I'm super excited, but i'm also a little worried about what to bring with me. I'm a pretty smart girl, so i shopped flights like a fucking pro.

I'm flying Southwest into Long Island NY which is probably an hour from where I'll be working. The flight was less than $100, so whatever. Southwest is also one of the only airlines who allows 2 free checked bags per person, thats $50 saved. The only thing I have to figure out is which mode of transportation to take from Long island to my destination... taxi will be nuts, fuck that. Airport Shuttle maybe, if they go that far. I was thinking just rent a car and drive from that airport to the one thats only 20 mins from my town BUT I don't have a credit card, only debit... which i don't think they take. (and I'm only 23, so underage renter charges apply... ick.)

Once i actually get to town I will have a car to drive, and a place to stay and all that jazz. Its all bread making from there.

I think i'm going to be taking A LOT of pictures and video to document this, because honestly one of my worst fears every are bugs, especially BEES and spiders. And what will a majority of my job be? Selling honey. Know what makes honey? Bees make honey. I have no doubt that I will have a few close encounters of the buzz kind.

For some reason I always get a little lucky, in that I frequently pet sit for this lady who is a flight attendant, and she just asked me to come for a few days next week, which means another $100 or so in my pocket for expensive airport food, or like... gas. *shudders*

Sadly enough, i think the hardest thing I will have to deal with this summer is missing my doggies. <3

Asshole-ism 101

What is it today with people being such assholes? It's a friggin' epidemic. I feel like you can't trust anyone because you may never know who will dick you over in the long run.

Example number 1; Tiger Woods. Fuck, if i were a golf prodigy and i was filthy rich and at least moderately good looking I'd have done the same exact thing that he did. (well, if i weren't married) I feel bad that his life was ruined because some stupid asshole skanks wanted to cash in on their hook ups. Sure, dude was careless with his text messages and shit, but if i were to have an affair with a married rich celebrity or athlete i would never rat them out if their spouse were getting suspicious. Snitching is asshole no-no number 1. I'd also not be stupid enough to text said rich celebrity some dumb shit all the time. Don't blame the Tiger, he's a man with needs that obviously weren't being met at home by his GORGEOUS wife who looked like she probably was holding out on him. (with looks like that, people think they can wear the pants, and decide if and when they're do the dirty.)

Another example of how to be an asshole are allll the douche bags who have ever gone and leaked a sex tape of themselves and an ex-lover out of spite. Hey, i could be wrong, and dude could just want to be known as the guy who USED TO fuck Kendra, but it's still an asshole move. Girls parents had to go through that... how would you feel? I can be an asshole sometimes, but I would never intentionally humiliate an ex in front of their parents... maybe their best friends, but not family. Shits messed up!

Now, there are a lot of asshole out there who are actually kind of awesome. I've mentioned him before, but he applies here as well, and this person is Charlie friggin' Sheen. Sure, he likes hard drugs and liquid courage, but guy knows what's up. He will never have to work another day in his life. He's set. Who is anyone to tell him how he should live his life? He is having the most fun out of any star out there right now because he doesn't give a shit what TMZ thinks. I'm not really a fan of crack, or any drugs for that matter, so except for the drugs don't tell me you wouldn't want to party it down with hot chicks all day? Even I would love that! He really is winning the shit out of life, and is by far the coolest asshole ever.

BUT, you guys are not these people... you are normal people. A nobody, living your life the best you can, making due with what ya' got. So please stop being such assholes! You are not important enough to try and get away with stupid asshole shit, and the next person that even attempts anything asshole like whatsoever, I will beat the crap out of you. Seriously... it's fucking annoying.



p.s. talking shit is an asshole move too, so knock it off dickheads.

p.p.s. Sears cancelled my laptop order because it was sold out, but they NEVER TOLD ME. So now i have to wait another week for a laptop that isn't even the one i wanted. Boo Sears, you suck!

Emo blog is emo.

So the laptop didnt come today... for some reason... I called and they said it WILL be delivered tomorrow. If it's not, its the carriers fault, and i will be pissed. Heads will roll. I really want it to just get here so I can give the bf his laptop back and we won't have anything keeping us in conact for a while. It'll be better that way.

Now, the rest of this post is going to be very emo, and there will be very descriptive and colorful language being used. That's a warning for those uninterested in any of that, so you can move on to your next activity.




I don't know what I want. I have been faced with so many descisions and propositions in the past 2 days that I dont know who or where i am anymore. You can think you want something sooo bad, until that time actually comes and you freak the fuck out because you never did think it would actually happen. Like that cute boy you had a super crush on in high school comes to you and says "hey I think i loved you the whole time and never knew... just fyi." Oh thanks, anonymous hot boy, for filling my mind with what-if's.

And then the next day an old friend and yourself get a little TOO comfy on the couch and in your drunken state, just decide to make out for a few hours, making the rest of your friendship so fucking awkward, that having 2 gay dads would seem more appealing. (not saying thats wrong, its just awkward at first, ya know?)

THEN to top it all off, you're about to leave your town for the ENTIRE SUMMER to go work with and spend some time with the person who's not only inspired you the most, but has also caused you incredible amounts of unintentional pain.

Who am i? I'm certainly not who i thought i'd be, or where i thought i'd be at this point in my life. I'm going to be 24 this year, and what do i have to show for it? I didnt even have enough fun to make up for all the non-accomplishments. In a year and 8 months I will be "pushing thirty" and I have NOTHING to show for it. I quit my job to live on a sofa bed at my parents house while i prepare to go 1100 miles away for the summer, the only people i talk to regularly are my dogs, and they arent even real people.

My mom isn't helping either. Nothing will ever be good enough for her, so what makes her think i want to start trying now? A big Fuck You goes out to her, for not being supportive of me at all, and for treating me like a slave who isn't worthy of my family.


So as i sit here and cry about where my life isn't going, I urge the rest of you out there who are headed down my same path to do something about it now... before it's too late. I realize now i was never guided down the right path, i was only steered away from the bad ones, which leaves me in the middle of the road, with an infinite amount of directions to choose from, and all I can do is stick my thumb in the air, and wait for someone else to give me a ride to my next dead end.


Sometimes I wonder where i'll end up. I think about if any of the guys in my life right now will be around in 5 years... 10 years... if any of them will be the one who will always be there. I hope one of them is, and at this point i'd be happy with either, as anyone who is willing to stand by someone in my emotional state is someone who i'd like to be there for also.

Here's to a summer of new beginnings.

The next step...

Well the inevitable happened... the bf and I have called it quits. For now.

He realized what i've been saying for a while, which is that we were getting sick of eachother. It was a civil split, and as proof I'm using HIS laptop right now to write this, since mine won't be here until tomorrow. (eeeeek! excited!)

Anyway, after my sort of icky afternoon, my good friend who now lives in orlando called me up and asked if I wanted to go out to a bar. I promptly reminded him I was san-transport still but he actually drove all the way out here to get me, and then we drove all the way back! It's an hour each way! So sweet of him :)

So we get to Orlando and we go to a bar called Jake & Micky's. A cute irish pub type place, but get this... it was FULL of mostly mildy attractive college kids! Holy crap! In daytona this is unheard of... if you go out there's usually 4 old people for every 20-something kid. Needless to say i was excited already... but this crowd was just getting better and better.

Everyone seemed to be regulars, and they all knew I was not. Even walking up to the door, the 8-10 guys standing outside all stopped and watched me go inside, before one followed us in to ask me what my shirt said. Here's the awesome shirt:




Well, so we all sit down, and I order my first drink, and jack and coke. Probably should've started off lighter but eh, no regrets. The more i drank the more aware of my surroundings I became... to our right there was the only older man in the joint, and he was twiddling his thumbs talking to himself and throwing balled up napkins into peoples pitchers. He had no wedding ring and my buddies said they see him all the time, so of course he's drinking his feelings away.

Next victim... my friend point out this blonde girl who is talking loudly and carrying a large plastic cup. He says she's also here a lot, and seems to bouce all over the bar trying to score free drinks and find someone to go home with. A real winner... only problem is she was a butter-face. And obnoxious. She had a fake laugh loud enough to piss off a deaf guy. She also had HORRIBLE game, but the guys there had even worse game, so they fell for all of it. I left before her so i didn't see who she chose to leave with. =0P

5 drinks later we changed locations and this si where things get fuzzy... I don't black out but I was so beyond speach that even I can't understand what I was saying. At one point I was imitating people I didn't like, and then we had a huge discussion about the porn sections at blockbuster. (they have long since dissapeared.)

Anyway the night ended with me scarfing down some McDoubles and I huge water bottle and almost peeing my pants. (i broke the seal too early and had to go every 15 minutes after that lol)

I finally got back home around noon-1 today and i have since been a zombie, only getting up to shower and eat dinner...now I'm all too excited about my laptop coming tomorrow that I probably won't be able to sleep even though I'm beyond exhausted.

I really hope I start to go out more often, and with my old friends. I have missed them dearly, and even just one night with them made me feel like i was in high school again!