A Seasonal Tale.

If winter were a person, it would be a good looking girl with psychological issues... oh, and she'd be a huge slut.  Just think about it for a minute.

This is what I think Winter aka "Winnie" would look like.

For the purpose of this blog, and because Winter would be a stupid name for a girl, we're going to call her "Winnie" (yeah, like The Wonder Years).

This year, Winnie let her slut flag fly a little bit early by sleeping with Autumn's holiday. Usually Halloween is a cool crisp day, one that has made Autumn quite famous for being an awesome party season... but not this year. This year Winnie got all up in Autumn's business and stole her holiday. Halloween was ruined for like... fuckin' everyone up in the northeast... if you think about it Winnie cock blocked every dude in New England by laying her blanket of frosty shittyness everywhere, causing costumes to go from skank-tastic, to just plain risque.

Here is Autumn

See, Autumn is used to having a little fight with Winnie over Thanksgiving, but this was just too big of a battle for her...  (I'm picturing Winnie as a hot blonde chick, and Autumn is a pretty good looking ginger) She was no match for Winnie this year. There's not even a question about Thanksgiving now, it's probably going to snow in fucking Texas for Thanksgiving, and Autumn is going to pack all her shit and move to Madagascar for the rest of the year.

Sure, Winnie is going to pull a robbery on Autumn twice this year, and then she's going to bask in the glory of her own holidays, (which by the way are the biggest ones of the year) but what's next?? Are Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Years not enough for her? She needs more?

Spring... the passive-aggressive girl with no self confidence.

In the past few years it has been snowing later and later into the early months of spring... this year I predict some winter-y, slutty mayhem.  Saint Patrick's Day is synonymous with green... this year? Nope! White as a mother fucker! Winnie wants her pot of gold, and she wants it now. Easter? Pastel, flowery goodness? Not a damn chance! Winnie is going to break off a piece of that cotton tail and blanket the ground so that not one little egg has a chance at being found. Spring might as well just not even come out of her hibernation chamber.

Look at the evidence, folks! Winnie-- er, Winter is taking over! She's already taken October, November, December, January, February, March, and even April... what the fuck?! That's more than half the year! Someone needs to control this bitch! ...This is where the bigger, hotter slut comes in... Summer.

Summer... the really cool, really hot season.

Summer is that blonde bombshell from camp that makes everyone sweat like they're being interrogated.  She's the best kind of slut... she get's everyone all hot, they take off their clothes, swim around like little tadpoles, shoot fire into the air... pretty much has people acting like a bunch of friggin' apes. Then, just when you're starting to lose control of all your human qualities, she's all "Peace out, I'm gonna go down south and spread the love there for a little bit."  She leaves before you gotta kick the bitch out for her walk of shame!

She is just the girl to stop Winnie in her tracks after she screws everything from Halloween until Easter. Winnie can have those months, no one wants to be in school during warm beautiful weather anyway... but if she even attempts to get any further than the beginning of April, then Summer is going to lay the smack down on her icy ass. Eventually, I wouldn't be surprised if Summer decided she wanted Halloween and Thanksgiving for herself...

Anyways, that's my story about how Winter is a huge slut and a cold hard bitch, and Summer is a slut also, but a hotter one and minus the bitchiness. Oh, and Autumn and Spring as passive-aggressive wimps who can't stand up for themselves.

The End!