I need some Jenna Marbles in my life.

So I've got this weird ass condition, I don't even think there's a name for it yet, but the symptoms go as follows:

- shortness of dress.
- inflammation of the chest area.
- inflammation of the rear.
- inability to wear shirts that aren't low-cut.
- obsession with all things that glitter, or make people think I look shiny and pretty.

... the technical term as of now is "Skank Ho."


---nah, I'm just kidding about the skank ho part. I'm not really. Yet. Much. BUT all of those symptoms do yield a problem... I cannot for the life of me make a female friend.

Sure, girls say they're my friends and junk, but in reality they are just acquaintances. Every time i hang out with a girl, it's all awkward silence and random heh... so....'s. Today, for example. I met up with this girl who is on this message board I frequent. She posted how she was going to this event in my town and I was all "hey, i live there too!" So we arranged to meet up at 2pm at the entrance to this Motorcycle and hot rod show at a tattoo parlor. So i get there, we meet up and right away she greeted me with a hug.

...I am NOT a hug person. I am socially awkward in a way... I'm very weird about people touching me. No biggie though, don't wanna be rude so i play along. I follow her and her boyfriend to the back of the building where they were hanging out with a bunch of their friends. Right from the get-go, I could tell these weren't my group of buddies. All inked up, piercings all up in this shit, weird ass hair colors, the works. I looked like the one preppy girl who hung out with the artistic emo scene kids... and all i was wearing was a v-neck and jeans. (mind you, i even have tattoos, but these chicks were COVERED.)

I was having a good time bullshitting with them all though, I'll give them that much, but it was when i decided to get going that I knew I somehow rubbed them all the wrong way. When I arrived, the girl I met introduced me to EVERYONE she knew... i literally shook hands with like 50 people. But when I said I was going to head out, all I got was "ok, it was nice meeting you," from this girl. Um... ok? I had even prepared to get another damn hug, and this is all i fuckin' get? I thought i scored my first real female friend since i lived in this hellish state, but I guess not.

All of this leads me to this girl... Jenna Mourey. (aka Jenna Marbles.) This chick is the coolest girl ever. I love her. She's too funny for words, and i need a best friend like her. Someone make this happen... I need to get this girl to come down here and we need to do some fucking #winning. ASAP dudes.