Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Now This Should Make Sense To The Few People That Are Confused And Actually Read Anything I Put Out

This smokeshow/professional trainer/funny girl is the one that invited me to join her on this wonderful little blog that she has created and which I have soiled it most likely. 

Now that she has gotten famous or probably just became an actual adult she's not on here to throw her 2cents down any more. So when I have time and not working all day I stop by and just let at it since I know twitter needs a break from me. Basically for those who didn't know this before and would text me asking me what the hell am I doing or why am I on a girls site I thought I would explain for you all. Makes sense now, right? Good continue on with your day as now I make my way to my soul crushing job.

P.S. Thanks Lauren for the invite 4yrs ago and when are we going on a date? When I mean date I actually mean we get drinks and I make you laugh enough that we hook up.

Don Sterling Thinks He Got Banned From Playing The Board Game Life

First off Adam Silver is fining Sterling 2.5 mil is legit chump change to him which is probably pocket money. I don't care for Sterling but if I was him I would send it through Western Union just to be a bigger ass. Now being banned for life from the NBA is a major punishment for Sterling or anybody in general. Now that Sterling is banned I guess he needs some other way to spend his fortune so I am truly interested in what will be his next move?

Perhaps buy a Nascar team and have chick fil a sponsor him since they don't like gays & lesbians

Join the westboro baptist church and protest outside every important NBA game

Hell If I was him I would buy one of the And1 basketball teams and the Harlem Globetrotters. They never said anything about owning a basketball team outside of the NBA.

I may joke around with racist jokes and says thing here and there but what I do is in no harm or with  hate. When I tweet about how much I hate the Indian Mafia its not because of their race, its because they are creepy and don't give a fuck. Don Sterling just flat out doesn't like being associated with blacks but strangely has a bi-racial gf that he has no problem laying the pipe in. What's done is done and now we sit and wait to ESPN reveals to us the next racist or hateful super villain out there.

Bold Move By Tinder Girl Asking Me If I Could Help Her Move

 Called me last night after she got home from the bar in a joyful mood since the Pens advance to the second round and had some chitchat with me. Hit me with the "Hey I'm moving up the hill to my friend's basement so if you are free I will be needing your help the next two nights.

Bold move but still an absurd question to even ask me to perform at night which my body is already in shut-down mode and its raining. Sorry sweet cheeks but there is no way I am helping you move into a basement during the nights which I have a feeling that your friend might be leather face and do something to me. Also her and I only hooked up 2 times so I shouldn't be on her list of people to call to help her move, that's the job for the dude she has in the friendzone. If I hate helping my family and close friends move and I have told them I can't then she's out of luck since every sane person knows moving is the worst. You think Moses enjoyed moving all his people across the desert for 40 years? I think not.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Some New Shit That I Like...

In just a couple hundred views, this bad boy will hit the big old 200k. I know in internet numbers, 200k is nothing these days, but for me it's kind of a big deal.

I'm not anyone special... I'm just some chick who thinks she's funny in a crappy town in Florida. And 200k of YOU have stumbled upon me. How? I don't know... maybe we all have something in common, maybe we all make poor life choices, or maybe we all get bored and start googling random shit. Wutevs, it happened, you ended up here, so I'll take that as another opportunity to share something else with you.

I've done a few "shit that I hate" and "shit that I like" posts before, but not in a while. It's almost March of 2014, it's about time for a new one. Here's some new shit that I like. You're welcome.

Shaker Cups. I don't know what it is, but when I use shaker cups (even for just water) I feel like it's a magic drink. That weird noise that little metal ball makes when it bounces around in my chocolatey sweet protein shake just hits me in the right spot. Pour that same shake into a mug and it doesn't taste half as good. It loses all the coolness. Don't even get me started on the colors... you can put stickers on them, you can switch different bottles with different colored lids... they make me feel like I'm using big-kid sippy cups. I love me some sippy cups.

Purple Hair. I'm not sure if I documented my pink hair on here... which is dumb because this page literally oozes pink, but this time last year, my hair was neon fucking pink. After I got tired of it I chopped all my hair off and started fresh, but a few times in the past 12 months I have almost done it again, except this time with purple. Light lavenders, dark plums, bright violets... i love them. It's the only color in which i love every hue/shade/whatever. Jenna Marbles has cool ass purple in her hair, but her hair is blonde and sexy as fuck anyway, so that's not fair. Can't compete with that. Kelly Osborne has that pretty lilac hair that i'm pretty sure only she can pull off... I'm so jelly of Kelly.

Meat. (specifically GAINS.) Don't get me wrong, I'm a meat eater, it's nothing new to me... I love me some proteins. But recently I've been going on meat adventures. Bison is fucking phenomenal... there's a restaurant in Orlando called Smiling Bison, and I had the best burger I've ever had in my life in that place. It bled through the texas toast bun, my face was covered in grease, there was only one slice of provolone and one slice of bacon, but you bet your ass I would pay $13 for that 6oz. piece of meat heaven every single day if I could. I had an elk burger at Fudruckers that was also pretty delish, and I've been making some mean ground turkey meals lately too... damn. I'm going to need a minute alone with my meat thoughts.

The actual burger, courtesy of foodspotting.com

Snapchat. I am so fucking addicted to snapchat. I feel like a 12 year old who just discovered AOL Instant Messenger. I love that if you send someone a completely random photo with no context they can't just text you back with "?" -- there has to be a photo. They have to use the emotion in their face to show you how fucking confused they were about that random picture of a slice of cheese on a sponge. The element of surprise is exhilarating too... you never know what you're about to open. Is this a video of waves breaking on the sand, or is it you peeing on the side of a building? It's both? You win ALL the points! Speaking of points... what do the points do? Who cares, it's fucking fun.

Wellll.... there's a bunch of other new shit that I like, but seeing as the easiest posts to write are lists of stupid shit, I'm going to save it for those. Thanks everyone for 200,000 hits... keep 'em coming, and kudos to Josh for picking up my slack every so often...  Oh and by the way, here are my top viewed posts of all time;

(click me, I get bigger!) (that's what he said...)

Thursday, February 20, 2014

First Time Ever That The Olive Garden Has Been Used In Rap Lyrics Detailing Murder

 Gonzales Wardlaw

Lexington -  "A 22-year-old Columbia man has been sentenced to life in prison for a 2011 murder at the Harbison Olive Garden. Gonzales “Snoop” Wardlaw, 22, was found guilty of murdering Thomas T. Hoefer, 21, of Columbia, on Friday.
Hoefer, who was at the restaurant for a birthday party for his fiancee’s mother, was shot in the chest on Dec. 29, 2011. with a .22-caliber handgun. He died on the way to the hospital.
Testimony at the trial, according to information released Wednesday by the 11th Circuit Solicitor’s Office, revealed that the two men met at the restaurant for a marijuana purchase. Wardlaw, unhappy with the type of drug, drew a gun, shot Hoefer and fled, according to a press release.
Rap lyrics found in Wardlaw’s home three weeks after the shooting tied him to the shooting. It included references to “hit ‘em in his chest” and “caught ‘em at da Olive Garden.” Lyrics also appeared to boast that people who slight the lyric’s writer end up dead. In testimony, Wardlaw acknowledged the lyrics were his, but that he acted in self defense. The Lexington jury that convicted Wardlaw deliberated for 50 minutes. "

Well so much trying to enjoy your night at the Olive Garden with the Never Ending Bread sticks and ultimate pasta bowl specials until a murder happens for the lack of quality of the weed. Out all places to do a drug deal you have to pick one of the classiest places to mix to good food, weed and a birthday party. I guess the McDonald's didn't seem like a better idea to do it at like the rest of the drug deals at. Also how about trying to start your rap career with details in your lyrics on how and where you killed this dude, not a smart idea bro. First rule of the rap game is NO SNITCHING and that includes on yourself too. Safe to say that Gonzales aka Snoop has time to spend in the clinc to figure out some better lyrics for his next rap.